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Trapped by Commerce

By Eric Wayne Dickey, Nov 21, 2005.

More work by Eric Wayne Dickey
  1. Trapped by Commerce

    The grip of talons steals my breath,
    but I keep signing my own timesheet.
    The flapping wings, the touch of air,
    the change in elevation
    is like swimming to the top
    of the Eiffel Tower in one breaststroke. 

    But that doesn't scare me;
    it's just a tourist experience,
    a carnival ride. Fresh.
    Still, I wait for the night bus to carry me
    home through the city so I can gawk
    at the skyscrapers lit up like cacti. 

    From one long-held breath, I want
    your name to be my last word, brother.
     
  2. Desiree Wright

    Desiree Wright Alphabetter

    Work is so so. The ride home is the highlight of the day. I don't know who the brother is, but I love the futile tone of the final couplet.
     
  3. Originally this poem was written with "poet" as the last word. Later, I realized I wrote this thinking of my brother, whom I admire greatly for his not being bothered by a necessity to aspire; he's the happiest go-lucky I've ever known. He isn't troubled with the complication of aspirations: i.e., his employer offered to promote him, he turned them down.

    The poem is about having to subsist in society. Making money and acquiring wealth is for idiots, anybody can do it. Anybody can climb the corporate ladder. But by doing so, "something shimmers, something is hushed up." Take your pick.

    We are all trapped by commerce. Some of us relish it, some of us don't like relish on our dogs, most of us don't even notice we are eating hotdogs.

    I thought about ending after "word" or substituting something else for brother. If it helps, you could substitute your name for brother, desiree.

    Thank you for your comments, it's still in process, so I really appreciate hearing what you have to say.
     
  4. kenneth Johnson

    kenneth Johnson New Member

    This is very beautiful verse. I like the journey you crafted.
     
  5. Jay Dougherty

    Jay Dougherty Well Worn

    I agree wit Desiree. I like the piece but would like it better if the words regarding "brother" at the end had come out of a context you had developed earlier on.

     
  6. silent lotus

    silent lotus _-_== Loiterer ==_-_

    interesting  after being first posted in 2005
    as of today Nov 13 , 217
    this became a Featured poem

    without even 1 LIKE or some fine replies of critique



    but it is fine to be reading it once again


    silent lotus

    `
     
    Wren Tuatha and Jay Gandhi like this.