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The Toy Room

By TrishSaunders, Apr 21, 2017.

More work by TrishSaunders
  1. TrishSaunders

    TrishSaunders Member Supporter Editor

    Like the smiling boy in a Caravaggio,
    his outstretched arms offer apples and pears.
    He steps into our living room.

    You know what happens next--overturned tables.
    Flames shimmy up a tall mast;
    Theseus abandons ship just in time. Amazon
    women with impossibly thick muscles wrestle
    cowboys to the ground. Fists meet chins.
    Ruthless executions follow: by firing squad,
    sword thrust, a shove overboard.

    At six o'clock, dust motes settle,
    we sink into our brocade chairs--cracked china figures
    in green and gold. I’ve lost you, little brother, tough older sister.
    Our knees ache.
    Story hour's over.
     
  2. Tom Riordan

    Tom Riordan member Supporter

    You do great with the tough talk.
    Then,
    what a tender ending.
    Love this, Trish.
    Tom
     
  3. TrishSaunders

    TrishSaunders Member Supporter Editor

    Thanks, Tom!
     
    Tom Riordan likes this.
  4. Anna Ruiz

    Anna Ruiz I have the same religion as that tree over there. Supporter

    Amazing poem, Trish.  The title is worthy, the opening line masterful and takes me on a journey in which I ache for my little brother.
     
    TrishSaunders likes this.
  5. Jordan Trethewey

    Jordan Trethewey Fly on the wall

    Fantastic, Trish.
    Couldn't have said it better myself.
    Jordan
     
    TrishSaunders likes this.
  6. kevin mchugh

    kevin mchugh Well-Known Member

    S2 is awesome Trish. It sounds like an epic battle. My older sister and I used to fight too. She kicked my ass right to about 15.
     
  7. TrishSaunders

    TrishSaunders Member Supporter Editor

    So sorry about your little brother.....a younger brother is a precious thing indeed. I love mine to pieces;  I can imagine how you miss him.
     
    Anna Ruiz likes this.
  8. TrishSaunders

    TrishSaunders Member Supporter Editor

    Thanks, Jordan! I'm sure you have your own fight-to-the-finish memories..
     
  9. TrishSaunders

    TrishSaunders Member Supporter Editor

    **Thanks, Kevin** sorry she kicked your ass! heh We were just playing, not fighting...I can't remember ever fighting with my little bro.
     
  10. Anna Ruiz

    Anna Ruiz I have the same religion as that tree over there. Supporter

    We are estranged, sadly.
     
  11. TrishSaunders

    TrishSaunders Member Supporter Editor

    Oh.....maybe there's hope. If one reaches out....?
     
  12. Anna Ruiz

    Anna Ruiz I have the same religion as that tree over there. Supporter

    There's always hope.  My daughter reached out more than once.  I think sometimes the brain after too many years on LSD and coke, just can't make connections.
     
    TrishSaunders likes this.
  13. Tim J Brennan

    Tim J Brennan Well-Known Member

    Having a sibling get together (minus one) later today, Trish. Looking forward to some golf, dinner, and laughs. Had one sister who died many moons ago.

    The title says volumes about your feelings toward your brother and I enjoyed the poem's read very much.
     
    TrishSaunders and Anna Ruiz like this.
  14. TrishSaunders

    TrishSaunders Member Supporter Editor

    Sorry about the loss of your sister....hope you all enjoy the day. Glad if the read brought some memories back.
     
    Anna Ruiz likes this.
  15. James Stephen

    James Stephen Well-Known Member

    Righteous !
     
    TrishSaunders likes this.
  16. Ton Romus

    Ton Romus Well-Known Member Supporter Editor

    My sister was 12 years older. She was my early protector in a place that needed it.

    Melanoma took her life when she was 50.  Over 20 years and I still miss her.

    It's good to have a loyal protector in life that you can always trust.

    Trust is very rare in this world.

    !Enjoyed* your pome.
     
    TrishSaunders likes this.
  17. TrishSaunders

    TrishSaunders Member Supporter Editor

    Oh my god, Ton, I am so sorry.  The bond between a little brother and his older sister is a sacred one.

    I'm glad you had her as your shield when you were just a little boy. I can imagine she held your hand and told you stories, made you feel safe and loved.
    xxxxxxxxxxxxx
     
    Ton Romus and Anna Ruiz like this.
  18. Anna Ruiz

    Anna Ruiz I have the same religion as that tree over there. Supporter

    Loss and pain should bring us all together like flowers and rain.  Sadly, it doesn't.
     
    Peter Le Baige and TrishSaunders like this.
  19. TrishSaunders

    TrishSaunders Member Supporter Editor

    Anna, I'm sending you a p.m. about this subj.
     
  20. Anna Ruiz

    Anna Ruiz I have the same religion as that tree over there. Supporter

    Thank you, I answered.
     
  21. Wren Tuatha

    Wren Tuatha Well-Known Member Editor

    Love this! Nothing wasted.
     
    Jordan Trethewey and Anna Ruiz like this.
  22. TrishSaunders

    TrishSaunders Member Supporter Editor

    Thanks, Wren...I DEEPLY appreciate it!
     
    Wren Tuatha likes this.
  23. TrishSaunders

    TrishSaunders Member Supporter Editor

    Thanks, james, I am very glad of your RIGHTEOUSness!
     
    James Stephen likes this.
  24. Cameron McClure

    Cameron McClure Half man, half banana Supporter

    Lost in time only Trish; we are still everything we ever were as your poem illustrates.
    I like the changes in pace and the only suggestion I have is that 'Hours later' is maybe a bit too obvious a means of slowing it down, and the 'dust motes settle[d]' does the job as well; perhaps you could link this stanza to the action with a different reference to highlight the change to quiet and calm. The only reason I noticed this btw is because I use 'years/days/hours later' all the time to link past and present and then feel that I have just been seduced by a too easy solution. C
     
    David Belcher and TrishSaunders like this.
  25. TrishSaunders

    TrishSaunders Member Supporter Editor

    great advice. made some changes. you're right...it IS a lazy solution
     
  26. maggie flanagan-wilkie

    maggie flanagan-wilkie Well-Known Member Supporter

    A terrific piece of writing, Trish!
     
    silent lotus likes this.
  27. TrishSaunders

    TrishSaunders Member Supporter Editor

    Thanks, Mags....I REALLY appreciate that, more than you can know.
     
  28. David Belcher

    David Belcher Don't forget to be Awesome Supporter

    The turn in the third stanza is effective Trish, moving forward (or deeper in) after the more fun first and second stanzas. I agree with Cameron about removing reference to time 'At six'0'clock' and start the third 'Dust motes settle.'
     
  29. don chance

    don chance "~Happy Buddha~"

    Trish, I love the theme of this piece!  That being said, I had to look up "Caravaggio" and "Theseus"
    on Google to get the meanings, as well as "motes".  Considering the commonality of the rest of the piece those words seemed out of place. I truly like the poem, but felt it a little esoteric in the beginning.

    I would like your thoughts on this if possible.  Might help me in the future.
    Thanks.
     
  30. TrishSaunders

    TrishSaunders Member Supporter Editor

    I respect that point of view, and thanks for expressing it. The Caravaggio painting, the reference to Theseus aren't meant to be hoity-toity, and I realize that's not what you said exactly. I guess it could be taken that way. (Again, I know that's not what you said.)
    The reference to Caravaggio was based on looking at a particular painting. Believe me, no scholar am I, but I've admired Caravaggio as an artist for all of my entire  adult life.  To that extent, I felt it was central to the poem. (An outcast, probably a murderer, but what a genius of a painter.)


    You could almost say it was an obsession. I couldn't write anything any child, it had to be that child, created by that artist.
    I have to be what I am. (deeply flawed and all)
    Thanks so much again!

    P.S. growing up reading ancient myths, looking at pictures of paintings, was central to my childhood, so to me that is commonality; all of us look at childhood through different lenses.

    And Caravaggio was very much an artist "of the lowest sort" hobnobbed with the "lowest elements". Those are more or less direct quotes from others who knew him at the time he was painting.  (their words, not mine, I hate referring to people in terms like "lowest")

    120px-CARAVAGGIO,_A_boy_peeling_fruit_(1593).jpg
     

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