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The Ancestress

By Eli T. Mond, Nov 13, 2017 at 6:44 PM.

More work by Eli T. Mond
  1. Eli T. Mond

    Eli T. Mond New Member

    I. HER
    Tell me, child whose flesh
    My teeth will come to taste in time,
    Does my sable skin offend?
    My gaping jaws, alarm?
    My trophies, drive you from my embrace?
    Does my writhing crown
    Turn your blood to sand
    Like Gorgon strands of darkness?
    Do my breasts entice your lips
    With streams of ivory milk
    Marbled with battle’s crimson nectar?
    And what of my hands, stained with victory?
    Are they cause for celebration?
    And my visage? Does it elicit worship?
    My grin, a muse?
    My gaze, an urge to kneel?

    II. ME
    Hear me, black ancestress;
    Queen of whose abysmal kiss,
    I am no longer afraid.
    Your beauty knows no bounds,
    Nor do the powers held within your palms.
    Your callous soles cavort
    Atop the corpses of the evils
    You have slaughtered in my honor.
    Your eyes entrance;
    Bloodshot and cavernous.
    Your love is all-consuming;
    Balanced in your dance
    Between creation and destruction.
    From your bubbling void, I crawled,
    And in your perfect cycle, I’ll remain,
    A testament to your glory.
     
  2. Jan Harper

    Jan Harper Well-Known Member

    of its genre, this is well-moulded. strong imagery, sound-links for continuity running throughout such as this:
    Turn your blood to sand
    Like Gorgon strands of darkness?
    linking with 'hands' in the same S

    you feed us internal rhymes and slant rhymes, eye-rhymes such as in 'balanced' and 'dance' and 'entranced' (hmmn, if you're american that may be a direct rhyme, for brit english speakers that's eye-rhyme not ear), a profusion of 'B's which are quite forceful as line-starters, softened (admirably) in lowercase for that softness of 'bubbling' ... i could go on, but i won't. let me just say i appreciate the skilful use of sound in this piece, even if the subject isn't my cup of tea.

    :)
     
  3. Eli T. Mond

    Eli T. Mond New Member

    Thank you so much for your kind words :)
     
  4. Desiree Wright

    Desiree Wright Alphabetter

    I like it. Opens with an other worldly
    sageness that you contrast well with
    a second, more contemporary voice.

    Any fan of old lore or myth can feel
    the pull of its trance.

    Enjoyed.  Welcome.
     
  5. Anna Ruiz

    Anna Ruiz I have the same religion as that tree over there.

    Power to you both!
     
  6. maggie flanagan-wilkie

    maggie flanagan-wilkie Well-Known Member

    What Jan and Desiree have said, Eli. I enjoyed as well.  Maggie
     
  7. Eli T. Mond

    Eli T. Mond New Member

    Much appreciated!