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More work by Rishitha Shetty
  1. Rishitha Shetty

    Rishitha Shetty New Member

    "I'm me,"she whispered.
    She was the child of myth and sand
    earlobes made of song.
    Was she part wind or part truth,
    or cement and water?
    She was burning husks of rice,
    now to put cold to sleep,
    now to dress in smoke.
    She collected bones every minute,
    Was it to build a boat, or to mark
    the absence of time?
    Her hair bled from tying up thoughts,
    hers, theirs,
    shifting ends, switching middles,
    the stagnation of forgetting.

    She did not know that questions
    were made of  'hows', 'whys', 'wheres' and 'whens'-
    these were just aberrations.
    She was old mud that
    smelled only of 'who'
     
  2. Tom Riordan

    Tom Riordan member

    Lovely, Rishitha! Interesting till the end. Tom
     
  3. Rishitha Shetty

    Rishitha Shetty New Member

    Tom, thank you! I'm glad you liked it.
     
    Tom Riordan likes this.
  4. Ben Stubbs

    Ben Stubbs Well-Known Member

    A beautiful poem, mysterious too.  Right from the start you drew me in with such a vivid and unusual image:
    She was the child of myth and sand
    earlobes made of song.
    Wonderful half-rhymes - cold, smoke, boats - as well.  Enjoyed this very much; will be back to enjoy more reads.
     
  5. Tim J Brennan

    Tim J Brennan Well-Known Member

    commas inside the quote marks, Rishitha (e.g. "I'm me," she whispered)...

    Apt truth, for sure.

    Enjoyed the read.
     
    Rishitha Shetty likes this.
  6. maggie flanagan-wilkie

    maggie flanagan-wilkie Well-Known Member

    My first was enjoyable, Rishitha. Will be back for a closer look.  Maggie
     
  7. BJ Omanson

    BJ Omanson Member

    Just beautiful!

    'child of myth and sand,'   I love that pairing.  As though myth and sand share a common origin.  (surely they do)

    '...burning husks of rice...'   I can't imagine a more quintessential image of the ephemeral.

    '...to dress in smoke...' Flesh putting on spirit, perhaps?  Hypnotic, in any case.

    You pose cosmic questions with such delicate poise.

    'Was it to build a boat, or to mark
    the absence of time?'

       --- the implied answer being, perhaps, both.   That there is something in the act of building of a boat which is beyond time.  ---It has the ring of an ancient truth.

    ----

    These thoughts aren't considered interpretation.  They could all be off the mark.  They are just facets of ideas that seem to rise up of their own accord as I read your poem.
     
    Rishitha Shetty likes this.
  8. Jan Harper

    Jan Harper Well-Known Member

    imo, this piece is simply stunning.

    of all the careful lines, this one speaks with the most originality
    i think this might be my favourite of yours so far, Rishitha. i generally advise to bring things into present tense, but i wouldn't want to touch a hair on this ...

    though on second thoughts...
     
    Rishitha Shetty likes this.
  9. Jan Harper

    Jan Harper Well-Known Member

    re-read - maybe present tense ;)

    "I'm me", she whispers,
    the child of myth and sand,
    earlobes made of song.
    Is she part wind or part truth,
    or cement and water?
    She burns husks of rice,
    now to put cold to sleep,
    now to dress in smoke.
    She collects bones every minute.
    Is it to build a boat, or to mark
    the absence of time?
    Her hair bleeds from tying up thoughts,
    hers, theirs,
    shifting ends, switching middles,
    the stagnation of forgetting.

    She does not know that questions
    are made of  'hows', 'whys', 'wheres' and 'whens'-
    these are just aberrations.
    She is old mud that
    smells only of 'who'


    ?
     
  10. Rishitha Shetty

    Rishitha Shetty New Member

    Thank you for the feedback, Ben. I'm glad you enjoyed it.
     
    Ben Stubbs likes this.
  11. Rishitha Shetty

    Rishitha Shetty New Member

    Tom, I've learned quite a bit about punctuation inside as opposed to outside quotes today, from your comment. Thank you for the feedback.
     
  12. Rishitha Shetty

    Rishitha Shetty New Member

    Maggie, thank you! Would love to hear your feedback :)
     
  13. Rishitha Shetty

    Rishitha Shetty New Member

    Pretty accurate, BJ. Although I feel more educated about my poem from your comment. Thank you for your thoughts.
     
  14. Rishitha Shetty

    Rishitha Shetty New Member

    Definitely considering the present tense :D Thank you for reworking it Jan.
     
    Jan Harper likes this.
  15. Jan Harper

    Jan Harper Well-Known Member

    thanks for not minding me taking liberties with your beautiful writing!
     
  16. Nicole Michaels

    Nicole Michaels Well-Known Member

    I am a fan of ex meta and would love to see this fresh line further developed.

    I am not sure why some lines are in italics, is that for emphasis?