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Monsters of Concentration

By William Antcliff, Sep 10, 2017.

More work by William Antcliff
  1. William Antcliff

    William Antcliff Ex-editor in the long grass

    Staring
    at the candle's
    uniform, small flame.
    The occasional line of wax
    flowing.


    An hour.
    How does he bear
    such relentless sameness,
    an hour without looking away?
    Focus


    only
    on the flicker,
    paper-hating edges,
    barely fluctuating orange,
    dull light.


    Both seen
    and the seeing
    like manifestations
    of determined wills in silent
    battle.
     
    Randy Watson likes this.
  2. Tom Riordan

    Tom Riordan member

    Beautiful, Will!
    I can see it, feel it, learn from it.

    He has time on his side, but the candle has human frailty on its.

    Tom
     
    William Antcliff likes this.
  3. Randy Watson

    Randy Watson Moonshining & Other Things Home Grown

    This was outstanding! Very much enjoyed, a pick for me.
     
    William Antcliff likes this.
  4. William Antcliff

    William Antcliff Ex-editor in the long grass

    Thanks very much, Tom. I'll take that indeed.

    "He has time on his side, but the candle has human frailty on its."

    Yes....darn human frailty.

    W
     
    Tom Riordan likes this.
  5. William Antcliff

    William Antcliff Ex-editor in the long grass

    Whoop. Thanks very much, Randy! Couldn't ask for more than that.

    W
     
  6. brendan christopher

    brendan christopher the only private eye that mattered

    Nice ending to this, Will. Really liked your closing stanza.

    I'd rethink this line "paper hating edges." Took me out of the poem for some reason.
     
    William Antcliff likes this.
  7. Jordan Trethewey

    Jordan Trethewey Fly on the wall

    I liked this William.
    What if the last two lines read:
    of determined wills
    in silent battle
    Jordan
     
    William Antcliff likes this.
  8. William Antcliff

    William Antcliff Ex-editor in the long grass

    Thanks very much, Brendan...glad to hear about the close. Will ponder.

    W
     
  9. William Antcliff

    William Antcliff Ex-editor in the long grass

    Thanks very much for calling by, Jordan. Will ponder.

    W
     
  10. maggie flanagan-wilkie

    maggie flanagan-wilkie Well-Known Member

    paper-hating edges,  The hyphen quickens the read if you turn paper hating edges into a compound word as a modifier, Will.

    Really enjoyed the imagery.  Maggie
     
    William Antcliff likes this.
  11. William Antcliff

    William Antcliff Ex-editor in the long grass

    Thanks, Maggie. Yes, it would also make it clearer that the subject of the clause is the edge and not the paper. Will do so.

    W