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Japanese Death Poem (4)

By Anna Ruiz, Apr 23, 2017.

More work by Anna Ruiz
  1. Anna Ruiz

    Anna Ruiz I have the same religion as that tree over there. Supporter

    in the winter wheelbarrow, beside the derelict shed
    the spider inside her web of great proportions,
    waits
     
  2. Cameron McClure

    Cameron McClure Half man, half banana Supporter

    Stay with us a while longer Anna, or call them something else :) C

    you could subtly create a new poem with different emphasis by dropping the 'in':

    the winter wheelbarrow, beside the derelict shed
    where the spider, inside her web of great proportions,
    waits
     
  3. Tom Riordan

    Tom Riordan member Supporter

    Fine counterpoint in mood to Williams, Anna.

    in the winter wheelbarrow, beside the derelict shed
    the spider inside her web of great proportions,
    waits


    so much depends
    upon

    a red wheel
    barrow

    glazed with rain
    water

    beside the white
    chickens.

    - Tom
     
    Tim J Brennan and Anna Ruiz like this.
  4. Anna Ruiz

    Anna Ruiz I have the same religion as that tree over there. Supporter

    Thanks, C.  made the change you suggested.  I thought perhaps with the shout back to Williams, the in's would
    serve as matryoshka doll, a reference in many of my poems.  I guess it didn't work.

    p.s. I plan to stay as long as the plans stay with me.  :)


    ~~~~~

    And yes, Tom, it was exactly the image I had when I woke up his morning.
     
    Tom Riordan and Cameron McClure like this.
  5. Anna Ruiz

    Anna Ruiz I have the same religion as that tree over there. Supporter

    Hey Tom, I just realized both poems have 16 words.  Neat.
     
    Tom Riordan likes this.
  6. Cameron McClure

    Cameron McClure Half man, half banana Supporter

    That isn't something you just realise - you must have counted them!
     
  7. Anna Ruiz

    Anna Ruiz I have the same religion as that tree over there. Supporter

    Maybe the suspicion came first, the counting afterwards.  Besides without the xtra in, neither would have happened.  

    so, what should Anna do, now?
     
    Tom Riordan likes this.
  8. Anna Ruiz

    Anna Ruiz I have the same religion as that tree over there. Supporter

    Did it.
     
  9. Cameron McClure

    Cameron McClure Half man, half banana Supporter

    synchronicity, serendipity, coincidence; was the decision ever yours, or just yours to discover?
     
    TrishSaunders likes this.
  10. Anna Ruiz

    Anna Ruiz I have the same religion as that tree over there. Supporter

    Depends.
     
  11. maggie flanagan-wilkie

    maggie flanagan-wilkie Well-Known Member Supporter Editor

    love it. love it. love it.
     
    TrishSaunders and Anna Ruiz like this.
  12. Anna Ruiz

    Anna Ruiz I have the same religion as that tree over there. Supporter

    Maggie likes it!!!!!!
     
  13. maggie flanagan-wilkie

    maggie flanagan-wilkie Well-Known Member Supporter Editor

    I seriously like the poem. Definitely in the William's-caliber column
     
    Anna Ruiz and TrishSaunders like this.
  14. TrishSaunders

    TrishSaunders Member Supporter Editor

    And so do i...to picks with you.
     
    Anna Ruiz likes this.
  15. Anna Ruiz

    Anna Ruiz I have the same religion as that tree over there. Supporter

    Oh, my.  Thank you ladies.  

    ~~~

    I guess my Mercury is no longer retrograde and my moon is no longer in Uranus.  :)  Sorry, I just can't help myself sometimes.
     
  16. Obed Ladiny

    Obed Ladiny Well-Known Member

    Title is intriguing. I like the poem.
     
    Anna Ruiz likes this.
  17. silent lotus

    silent lotus _-_== Loiterer ==_-_ Supporter

    Anna Ruiz likes this.
  18. David Belcher

    David Belcher Don't forget to be Awesome Supporter

    I admire this Anne. It's got that 'wish I'd written it' vibe. It speaks to me of patience in hard times.
     
    Anna Ruiz likes this.
  19. TrishSaunders

    TrishSaunders Member Supporter Editor

    David ALWAYS amazes me with his comments
     
    Anna Ruiz and David Belcher like this.
  20. Anna Ruiz

    Anna Ruiz I have the same religion as that tree over there. Supporter

    Obed, thank you.  

    David, thank you.  The highest honour one poet can give to another.  

    Silent, thanks for that article.  Seems to me only France is not buying into that *make _____ great again*.  Hopefully.
     
  21. Excellent, love it. Very precise work.
    Oli
     
  22. Anna Ruiz

    Anna Ruiz I have the same religion as that tree over there. Supporter

    Maria, my gratitude too.

    Don't want to leave anyone out.

    ~

    And you also, Oli.
     

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