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Happy Birthday

By Tim J Brennan, Apr 26, 2017.

More work by Tim J Brennan
  1. Tim J Brennan

    Tim J Brennan Well-Known Member

    When you hear your name called,
    stretch your fingers like a pianist—
    clap sixty times in a steady beat.

    Drink a little wine, play Elvis tunes,
    re-tell the story of when his heart was broken
    for the first time, he created a dance so sad
    he never showed it to anyone.

    Later, enter a room with a made bed, stiff
    effigy sheets. Plan on midnight cake.

    While the highway cars play chicken
    and the neighbor’s schnauzer
    lets itself be known as the top dog
    on the block, spring will carol on,
    another year indistinct.
     
  2. Tom Riordan

    Tom Riordan member Supporter

    Enjoyed this, Tim. Fine end lines, partly because of how the very end caps your lovely chain of short "i" sounds --

    When you hear your name called,
    stretch your fingers like a pianist—
    clap sixty times in a steady beat.

    Drink a little wine, play Elvis tunes,
    re-tell the story of when his heart was broken
    for the first time, he created a dance so sad
    he never showed it to anyone.

    Later, enter a room with a made bed, stiff
    effigy sheets. Plan on midnight cake.

    While the highway cars play chicken
    and the neighbor’s schnauzer
    lets itself be known as the top dog
    on the block, spring will carol on,
    another year indistinct.

    - Tom
     
  3. TrishSaunders

    TrishSaunders Member Supporter Editor

    Enter the room with a made bed....how wonderful this and so many other lines, Tim!
     
  4. Lavonne Westbrooks

    Lavonne Westbrooks Save the Liver! Supporter Editor

    wonderful and poignant!
     
  5. Tim J Brennan

    Tim J Brennan Well-Known Member

    Not sure I was consciously going for short "i" sounds, Tom, but I do read my stuff out loud quite a few times before posting.
     
  6. Tim J Brennan

    Tim J Brennan Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Trish.
     
  7. Tim J Brennan

    Tim J Brennan Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Lavonne.  Twice :)
     
  8. Tom Riordan

    Tom Riordan member Supporter

    That sounds like it would be dry work!
    But that sounds much much better!
     
    Tim J Brennan likes this.
  9. Tim J Brennan

    Tim J Brennan Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Tom.  I try.  I'm not much for rhyme but I'm pretty good w/rhythm and sound.
     
    Tom Riordan likes this.
  10. Tim J Brennan

    Tim J Brennan Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Jordan.
     
  11. Dax

    Dax Most Unwanted Member

    Thank you, Tim.
    Good.
     
    Tim J Brennan likes this.
  12. Tim J Brennan

    Tim J Brennan Well-Known Member

    :)
     
    Dax likes this.
  13. Tim J Brennan

    Tim J Brennan Well-Known Member

    I sent this poem off to a publication --IT ACTUALLY PAYS  :) -- and received an answer of acceptance in less than two hours.  

    Gotta be a new record for me.
     
  14. Tom Riordan

    Tom Riordan member Supporter

    Congrats on that! Wow. Give both of you a prize!
     
  15. Tim J Brennan

    Tim J Brennan Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Tom. I thought it was kinda cool. And I don't mind plugging them: Subterranean Blue Poetry.
     
    Tom Riordan likes this.
  16. Obed Ladiny

    Obed Ladiny Well-Known Member

    There's a good feeling that springs after reading this. Yup, midnight cake just once won't hurt. :)
     
  17. Tim J Brennan

    Tim J Brennan Well-Known Member

    Glad something is working for you, Obed.  Peace to you.
     
    Anna Ruiz likes this.
  18. Anna Ruiz

    Anna Ruiz I have the same religion as that tree over there. Supporter

    Ditto all the replies with an extra helping of congrats, for both the birthday and the publication, Tim.
     

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