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More work by Gerald Parker
  1. Gerald Parker

    Gerald Parker Well-Known Member

    Yet again it catches us unawares
    like bad news we share with next-door.


    And yet again we couldn't get away
    like swallows to some summer retreat.


    We see mums and dads pushing buggies
    against the wind, stooping and struggling like us.


    We envy children in their icy playground,
    playing games with plumes of breath.


    We wince with age as we turn down the heat,
    poorer each year and stiff with cold.


    Nursing a sadness that needs the sun,
    we make tea and sit through another day.

    We peer through rain-spattered windows
    and scowl at leaden skies and skeletal trees.


    Next-door dodges puddles with his coated dog,
    greets our parted curtains like a bearer of hope.
    .

     
  2. Jan Harper

    Jan Harper Well-Known Member

    this is a poem as careful and controlled as ageing limbs

    makes me, as a reader, want to bundle the N&partner up in warm clothes, pull them outdoors to play, then make them hot soup by a cosy fireside.
     
    Gerald Parker and Jay Dougherty like this.
  3. Desiree Wright

    Desiree Wright Alphabetter

    Always a pleasure.  Thanks.
     
    Gerald Parker and Jay Dougherty like this.
  4. Keith Morley

    Keith Morley Well-Known Member

    I hate the on-set of many things, old age and winter to name but a few, great read Gerald, depressingly delightful, thanks Keith
     
  5. Jan Harper

    Jan Harper Well-Known Member

    lolol
     
    Gerald Parker likes this.
  6. Nicole Michaels

    Nicole Michaels Well-Known Member

    I can really see these two lines so clearly, and love their sonics and rhythm.
     
    Gerald Parker and Jay Dougherty like this.
  7. Jay Dougherty

    Jay Dougherty Well Worn

    Love this piece, Gerald. The rhythm is right on.

    These lines especially are very nice:

     
    Gerald Parker likes this.
  8. maggie flanagan-wilkie

    maggie flanagan-wilkie Well-Known Member

    Gerald,

    The 2 line stanza, by some. is on its way to being considered clichéd;
    It looks pretty and organized on the page, but doesn't do much for the read as far as lineation is concerned.


    I normally disagree with the opinionated bents of academia and their determination to herd creativity into one pen or another,
    but on this issue of 2 line stanzas,
    and your poem, I have to agree.


    I love your opening but it falls into telling right after that.  I like your images but there needs to be some energy in them.

    I read this as fitting the narrative form which lets your images rise into view.

    Some thoughts on lineation for you to consider:

    Using your title as your opening line.

    Another winter...


    catches us unawares, like bad news
    we have to tell next-door.
    And yet again,
    we couldn't get away like swallows off
    to some summer retreat.


    Mums and dads are pushing buggies against the wind,
    stooping and struggling just like us, and everyone else
    on the street. From the safety of age, we envy children
    in their icy playgrounds, playing games with plumes
    of breath. And we
    wince in this age as we turn
    down the heat—
    poorer each year, stiffer with cold
    nursing a sadness that needs the sun. We peer
    through rain-spattered windows and scowl
    at leaden skies and skeletal trees.

    Next-door dodges puddles with his coated dog,
    greets our parted curtains like a bearer of hope.


    Maggie
    .
     
    Timothy Pond and Gerald Parker like this.
  9. Gerald Parker

    Gerald Parker Well-Known Member

    Thanks for your kind thoughts. Getting too old to play out but we do go to the gym.
     
  10. Gerald Parker

    Gerald Parker Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Keith. See it on UKA soon. Gerald.
     
  11. Gerald Parker

    Gerald Parker Well-Known Member

    Thanks, Nicole.
     
  12. Gerald Parker

    Gerald Parker Well-Known Member

    Pleased you liked it, Jay. Thanks.
     
    Jay Dougherty likes this.
  13. Gerald Parker

    Gerald Parker Well-Known Member

    Maggie, I appreciate the thought you've put into my poem. One of my faults is that my style is quite prosey and I can't see that you have improved on what are, basically, just prose sentences.I think your change to 'like bad news we have tell next-door' implies we are breaking news to them instead of what i mean which is sharing/discussing the arrival of winter with them.
    My pairs of lines - I hesitate to call them couplets - are stand-alone ideas, which being visual , are more easily conveyed separately. I can't see how lumping them together helps. I think too that 'stiffer with cold' is miles away from what I mean with 'stiff with cold.' We wince with age not 'in this age', sorry I can't go for that.

    I'm intrigued to know which lines or phrases 'tell' rather that 'show.' Do tell. Thanks. A poem's never finished. This was started some years ago and I started working on it again today.
     
  14. maggie flanagan-wilkie

    maggie flanagan-wilkie Well-Known Member

    I will get back to you, Gerald, a bit later. Have some poems to read. Maggie
     
  15. Kaci Laws

    Kaci Laws speaking in whispers will always be hers.

    I really like this line, "We envy children in their icy playground,
    playing games with plumes of breath."

    :headphone: