When I was a dancing monkey shaking full
bunches of grapes, the world came. Now

and then my fruit fell and it was snatched.
Heck, I threw good bananas away.  Don't

grin. In the time it took coconuts to shrink,
I was old.  Maybe worn out chimps belong

at the zoo, where keepers come with soft
pellets by the clock. If it is so, then let the

tide in me stop, let me not yearn for palm
breezes and strewn peels rotting with flies.

Enjoyed this Desiree, loved it, smiled ruefully.  Especially these wonderful bits

Heck, I threw good bananas away.

In the time it took coconuts to shrink,

keepers come with soft
pellets by the clock

I wonder why the line breaks are like that...

especially between the last two stanzas.  was it for the look of the poem and the couplet form? I'm not saying change them necessarily, but could you reveal your thinking.

 good write Sue

D. One other thought. The use of "let" me...infers the sense of not being in control which plays with the title, but the whole metaphor depends on the N's self image which in the first line implies that it has become something else--"When I was..."The something else isn't presented???

larry

Oh, I disagree, larry; I think your focus falls short of the entire phrase which places control tightly in the hands of the N: let me not yearn

Sue, I think if you read this out loud, you'll find the answer to your question.

What a pleasure, D.

Maggie

Yes.  An absolute pleasure.  [If only I had good bananas left to give!]

lynn

Thanks Maggie, got it. Congratulations on the Pick, Desiree.

Desiree~ I love the wry grin this poem bred. Clever, sad, funny - 3 for the price of 1!!
take care~ dale

Sue, I have gotten into the straight jacket
of not going one letter past the previous l
-ine. If you have anything better to sug--
gest, the dancing chimp is all yours. Just
recently, I tried to loosen up. There are
a couple of poems in my journal that try this far.

Thanks to all the zoo goers.  I loved your peanuts!

d

Desiree.  I followed Maggie's suggestion and read it out loud and thought I'd got it...

I almost fear to tamper but...

at the zoo, where keepers bring soft pellets
by the clock. If it is so, then let the tide

in me stop, let me not yearn for palm
breezes and strewn peels rotting with flies.


Spoils the shape though...yould have to mess the others up by this much too to stop it looking odd...

And hear i was thinking your ear was guiding where you enjamb, D.

Maggie

Mags,  The ear is guiding me all the way through. I like the look of even lines, so I make choices that get me there, but those choices are altered if they bother me on subsequent read throughs.

Thanks for explaining your process Desiree, so clearly.  It's inspiring me. I know someone who when he reads always shows the audience the shape of the poem on the page...

Sue

You sing well from your line-length straitjacket!

Rick

Took me several reads to get my hooks into it, but this is very sharp. I like the clusters of short, surprising clauses popping out at you. Nice!

Take care,

-O