some shine
as lips
kissed by wine

or water
catching fire
at coming night

each memory
has a different scent

one smells
of morning sheets
soft hair
and thighs
while from the shadows
that the patient trees
donate
comes music
dancing
on a thyme-filled breeze

others
are tanged
with acrid smoke
bear
in their smoulder
seared flesh
and charcoaled hair

the dust of bones
falls ever as
a thirsting rain

sky
clouded vulture dark
and howls
with wailings
of the greedy winds
and death

is sleeping
in the other bed

each memory
is stolen

each in its way
a kiss

"the dust of bones
falls ever as
a thirsting rain"

that's a good line Milner. (don't know that you need the "a" but personal perference I suppose)

"at coming night"

I saw more of an 'approach' than 'at coming' (but again, just me)

I like it, like it, like it, like it, just a different voice in view.

(I'm back to reading finally, finally reading with some semblence of thought, (on a every day basis I mean)  hard for me recently... too much time off even before the surgery, but - I am better recently, busy, busy, busy,  (trying to catch up on rationality, and my hair grows long down my back without recourse, such a pain, pain, pain, I'm lucky to comb it - the mind is such an anomaly but the hair grows- always.  had to cut it to even remove the stitches. I've an excess of folic acid they say)

"each memory
has a different scent"

heare, heare, my friend ... and even when, such scent is flitered through the lungs, the particles - remain.

love to read you, love to read you always. . .

I like this part -



"each memory
has a different scent

and light

some shine
as lips
kissed by wine
or water
catching fire
at coming night

these smell
of morning sheets
and thighs
soft hair
and from the shadows
that the patient trees
donate
comes music
dancing
on a thyme-filled breeze

others
come tanged
with acrid smoke
bear
in their smoulder
seared flesh
and charcoaled hair

the dust of bones
falls ever as
a thirsting rain

sky
clouded vulture dark
and howls
with shrieks
of greedy winds
and death

is sleeping
in the other bed

each memory
has a different kind
of kiss "





... gorgeous, as usual.

Milner, what if you open with
  and then insert

  here.
Then sratch the last S and end with "bed"?

Just a thought,

larry

LOL - I like that part, too, Scott!

But I think Larry makes a good point, Milner. Starting at 'some shine' makes the poem very much more -ah- romantic? Is that the word? No, but maybe you know what I mean.

I think these lines are stunningly beautiful:

some shine
as lips
kissed by wine
or water
catching fire
at coming night

The image of lips beginning to blaze when night falls is mesmerizing.

I love those lines too (beginning "some shine/as lips").
and the cello tones of the whole.
very poised and pure.    wonderful indeed.
kevin

Yes, it's a pick for sure.

bril, g — grande!

d

Thanks all for such responses.

I've taken up your thought on the opening, Larry, but have changed the ending, rather than just dropping the last stanza. Will see how this sits, with you all, and me. I'll think further on your ideas, Nora. Lie easy in the sun.

Off to bed.

Cheers

milner

Especially enjoyed the1st S and the thyme-filled breeze.
Stumbled a little over combined use of howls and shrieks, not entirely sure of the intention there.
Excellent as ever though milner, thanks for sharing your art with us.

B.

Merci mucho for the bondad, Don Ricardo.

g

Thanks. Brian. Thought of just making another line break there to sort that, but not too happy with that choice. made another change, therefore, and would welcome your opinion.

This was the original:

sky
clouded vulture dark
and howls
with shrieks
of greedy winds
and death

Thanks again

milner

Hi there (newbie says hello and dips his toe in a review  :))

sky
clouded vulture dark
and howls
with shrieks
of greedy winds
and death

Can't find a place for the first "and"
Love the stanza, but feel the and is a stumble point. 

Please ignore if you disagree.

Cheers
John

Milner, I like what you did with the end. I liked the metrical sound of shrieks, but it works either way...

That 'and' is there for the rhythm of the poem, John, and 'oral' is very important to me. Thanks.

milner