Hold on.
me, make a quilt–
preplanned antiquity
for beds that are tight and lifeless
just like most marriages–
tight, little truth,
a show...

no thanks–
I like my sweat
primal in the bedroom,
the sharp color of our breathing
free, not a possession–
what you let go
loves home,

and moods
are better talked
about than left in folds–
if you bleed, too afraid to speak,
bitter wounds mount cold sheets–
what shade of sleep
is guilt

to wind
around your dreams.
If I say I love you,
every part of me is smiling-
all the stitching I need
to hold my mind
in place.

As you know, I am not real big on tricky visual presentations, but I really enjoyed your words in this one.  Thanks.

Nicely done, Mag. I especially like the final line about enough stitching to hold a mind in place, but then I use to sew a lot, so I would.

Thanks for the read.

D

Maggie:

I enjoyed seeing and reading your eintou sequence poem.  Your "quilt" is quite nicely put together.  A certain 'patchiness' of a relationship is evident as the poem moves along.  The first and fourth strophes tie very well.

Lines to love:  "beds that are tight and lifeless"
"sharp color of our breathing / free, not a possession–"
"bitter wounds mount cold sheets"

And S4 in its entirety.  This poem, and the metaphor it works with, on the whole, is lovely.

On the 'punctuation tip'--

Some of the "end line" hyphens may wish to be periods (e.g. "possession-" "folds-" "sheets-").

Also, you may consider omitting the ellipsis at S1, L7 because you basically obtain a 'natural pause' with the final line of any strophe / stanza (especially when it's followed by a blank space).

Interestingly, the title refers to a "color wheel" while the "quilt" feel connotes a 'square / rectangle comprised of smaller squares'.  I consider that to be an enhancement.

Okay.  I've waxed on sufficiently here (accordingly, I now wax off )   :)

Take care.

Carol Elizabeth

Ron and D,

Thanks for the props on this; I was having a minor attack of Silliman. I love his work!

Carol, I was wondering if I should include eintou/ or eintou sequence the way you do.

I really like the room this form gives you; letting you go out and then pulling you back in; but keeping you focused. To me, it's almost like having the room of a sonnet to be creative in.

Your pieces caught my eye when I first came to the site. They are quite a classroom.
I wasn't aware of the form before.

It was the middle of the night when I wrote this one, and admittedly I didn't give punctuation much thought. I appreciate the tips.

And I'm pleased as all get out that you liked this one.

I'll be posting my first one later tonight. It's a bit tamer.

Thank you, Carol.

Maggie

Maggie:

Greetings.  I agree with you on room afforded within the form.  It is nice to see you exploring.  Thank you for the 'look-sees' on some of my pieces.  Genuine discourse is always a good thing.  I appreciate the exchange.

Take care.

CEO