a touch of tempo

our hands express a measure of the time.
each imprint traces wrinkled little notes,
as synapses pace movement in a dance.

we reflect on the steps; and, yet the dance
manages to escape a syncopation of time.
this curious rhythm courses blue notes

whose fractioned fingerprints musical notes
mimic much more easily than their dance—
applause carries tenfold rewards thru time.

only with time, will we feel the notes;
    only then shall we dance.

© 2006 Carol Elizabeth Owens

As ever--some wizardry here with form.  Lovely how line 5 "escapes" the "tenfold" syllabics at work.  The language stutter-steps for me in lines 6 & 7, however.  Big mouthfuls there...as for line six, how about "cruises" instead of "courses" (still a transitive verb; similar meaning but better sound to my mind's ear).  As for line seven--maybe make it less chunky--a bit smoother sound there would be less jarring, I think.

The very last phrase lifts me from the novelty of the rest of the poem, given its often-spent currency.

Nice, nice poem.

Greetings, Eric E.:

I am glad you found enjoyment in this recent 'tritina'.  My quick note serves to register appreciation of your comments, criticism, suggestion(s), and compliment(s). [n.b. -- on the 'stutter steps' and 'big mouthfuls', consider notions of "syncopation."]  As I am presently on the move, further thoughts are reserved until later.  In the meantime, take care.


CEO

Yes, yes--I see the logic behind the stuttering (interestingly, "syncopation" grammatically means the contraction of a word by taking one or more letters or syllables from the middle) but the meaningfulness may not justify the mouthful, maybe?

Greetings, Eric E.:

Indeed, your proffered definition of "syncopated" is accurate as to 'words and/or syllables'; however, consider this one:

"a temporary displacement of the regular metrical accent in music caused typically by stressing the weak beat." -- [Merriam-Webster on 'syncopation']

Essentially (occasionally), that's where I want to go; on a waltz where jazz walks [gotta' slide that into a poem one day  :) ].

As always, I enjoy the discourse.  Thank you for keeping in engaging.  Take care.

CEO

CEO:

I understand the logic, as I said afore, and assumed that you were relying on the musical def. of syncopation (I mentioned the other grammatical def. only out of an encyclopediac tendency); but there's displacement of tempo and there's halt.  How would you scan lines six and seven?   

Eric E.:

Greetings.  My homework is done (and the dog didn't eat it).  Indeed, tempo is displaced [as you noted earlier re: L5] (decidedly so, though).  Nevertheless, I might scan L6, L7 along these lines:

this  CU / RI  ous /  RHY thm / COUR ses / BLUE  NOTES

whose  FRAC / tioned  FING / er  PRINTS / MUS  i  / CAL  NOTES

As always, you've raised a wonderful question.  Thank you for keeping me (proverbially) on my toes. 

Still dancing, I remain

CEO

The form is magic. I don't think I've ever seen a halved sestina. One thought: Does it say what all it wants to say? The last line doesn't add of subtract, it just rubber stamps what the three strophes already illustrate. It's probably me but, the content isn't as strong as the extraordinary quality of the form.

larry

Larry:

Greetings.  I appreciate your comments, question(s) and criticism. 

On the 'tritina' tip, I find it interesting, too.  There's another one posted here [title = "Q and A (a 'tritina')" --> see, "Editor's Picks," Nov. 2005]. 

Is the poem 'finished speaking'?  Probably.  It was concerned about cycling (or perhaps 'waltzing') through "time," "notes," and "dance."  [Sometimes, an even closer look may reveal just a bit more.]

Finally, on the 'last line':  As with a sestina's closing tercet, the purpose of a tritina's closing line may be to summarize (sometimes with a spin, twist, or shift) the foregoing stanzas.  In this poem, the closing line presents a certain shift while embracing specific precursor components.

With that said, I am delighted by your enjoyment of the form (if not the poem).

Take care,

Carol Elizabeth

Congrats on the feature. Did you mean to use a comma in-between "and" and "yet"?

Jay,

Greetings.  Thank you for the 'congrats'.  It was surprising and fun to discover the poem displayed 'up front'!

My answer to your 'comma query' is, "Yes, I did."  :)   That comma after the 'and' which falls before the 'yet' mirrors one "reflect[ing] on the steps" (phrase immediately preceding); you know, a 'slight pause'.  Actually, it's almost like the hyphenation of "in-between."

Take care.

CEO