I was raised on the richness of carnivals.
I feasted on penny candy and spring corn,
midgets were my mentors,
bearded ladies my queens.
I knew the crazy clowns,
and wore the fortuneteller's pointed hat.

I was wed to summer,
her tent strapped to my back,
I touched clouds, on Ferris Wheels,
and in the rain,
smelled the tar and paint,
of wet circus wood.

I rode the ups and downs
of roller coasters.

I was loved,
my high and low cursed.

I stood,
drunk.

Oh, but how I paid,
new bright paint fades,
the clappers on ringing bells break.
Wooden horses chase ghosts.
The ride stops.

Now, I am old.

October is the month
that breaks my heart.           


by John Barrale
August - October, 2007
( a metamorphsis of an earlier posted poem, "Early Halloween"

The beginning starts out strong, the imagery is crisp, I dig that.

I especially like "I was loved,
my high and low cursed." ...like that very much!

Much I like but am thinking you could nix some of the I's amd my's
such as:

I was raised on the richness of carnivals,
feasted on penny candy and spring corn,
midgets were mentors,
bearded ladies were queens.
I knew the crazy clowns,
and wore the fortuneteller's pointed hat.

A comma would do here:
Oh, but how I paid,

Just me, but I would take out these two lines:

Now, I am old.
New me gone.

The first, I think the reader can deduce and the second seems awkwardly constructed.


The carnival/circus is a well-used theme but you've done the job of evoking melancholy.

agree with Lavonne----super images that need to be tied down and tightened til they snap and slap like a bow string...

michael

Hi Lavonne:

I liked your suggestions and will consider them. Will use some of the changes you suggested, now.

Thanks much!

Best Always,
John  

Hi BM:

Thanks! My favorite line, too.

Best Always,
John

I really loved this poem.

I like "I stood,/drunk." Certain resonance to that sort of forward minimalism. On the other hand, the bit about touching the clouds is useless.

Hi Michael:

No, until they swing on a trapeze or are shot out of a cannon!

It's been one of those days, I feel fed to the lions. Here at work, I'm on the shovel elephant shit detail, today.

Such is life.

Good to hear from you.

Best always,
John
  

Hello Philip:

Forward minimalism! Sounds mighty impressive.

I can't explain or defend a phrase like "touch clouds". It is what it is.

Thanks for reading the poem and for writing a comment.

Best Always,
John

Hi ES:

Much thanks!

Best Always,
John

This one has a Ray Bradbury nostalgic feel to it, and that's a high compliment.  I love Bradbury!

Rick

Rick - You are right. I immediately thought of 'Something Wicked...' when I read it, too.

I long ago contracted an allergy to insistent 'I's in poems, unless there was a rhythmic or identity reason for them, once we know who's speaking. This allergy spoils an otherwise fine poem for me, John. I feel that eliminating them altogether from the central sections would strengthen the poem, would make it run better and be more forceful. Those left at the end would then be stronger.

milner

Hi Rick:

Thanks much! I grew up on Ray Bradbury - I've read much of his stuff over and over again. One of my favorite Bradbury short stories that has an autumn/October theme is "Dog". I find it to be, incredibly lyrical and chilling beyond belief.

I've done a few different things work wise -but I never had the opportunity to work in a carnival. The closest I came to that was making change and sweeping out an arcade, after school, in the very early 1960's, back in Coney Island. Sad to say, there was no sideshow but it did have a fortuneteller- by the name of Madam Kozak. She was from the Bronx, no less!     

That was a very innocent time and Bradbury is gentle compared to some of the Fantasy/Horror authors of today. In comparison, the late Richard Laymon can be poetic but revels in gore. The only thing close to Bradbury's lyricism and written, somewhat, from a child or adolescent's view is his "The Traveling Vampire Show". Ray would blush at the sex and gore - but the book is a trip, and I wouldn't be surprised if Bradbury is a Laymon fan. If you are a fan of the genre you should check it out if you haven't read it.   

Best Always,
John