hey, Rick, that's really funny----now that you went to the trouble of showing me what you mean, I can understand, but the problem is that that is the way I think, and in my head it doesn't seem unnecessarily twisted----it's what I'm used to----but then, come to think of it,  I ain't straight either, so my head is twisted just like me----see?

Michael

ps----also, the common speech version sounds much more clumsy to me when read aloud, and I write for smooth sound, so that's part of it too...

Michael, I'm assuming that you're sharing your poems to get an audience reaction.  So now you know that one member of your audience finds the syntax problematic (i.e. distracting from the flow of the poem).  You of course will decide what to do about it.  I'm not asking you to change. 

"Oh would some pow'r the giftie gie us / To see oursels as ithers see us!" wrote Robert Burns.  (quoted from memory -- Scots dialect inexact.) 

Some of my poems have raised a howl from readers.  Sometimes I change the parts that started the howl, sometimes not.  I seldom explain myself to readers.  If they didn't get it from the poem, what am I gonna do, tack on footnotes at the end of each one?  I like my poems to be able to stand alone.

Rick

Rick----I agree with all you say here, but the point I was trying to make was regarding sound, the sound of a line read aloud----I have noticed that contemporary poetry pays no attention to sound----will you address that issue?----because the choice of syntax for that line in this poem is such a perfect example of the choice between a lyrical sound [from you I hear flow] and the flat, stilted, nasal twang [I hear flow from you] that associates itself poetically and definitively with contemporary realism----do you agree, or not?----that is the subject we are discussing, I think----not whether one ought to change one's poem for the sake of a reader, but the nature of syntax choices themselves...

Michael

I would hesitate to make any generalization that takes in all of contemporary poetry.  There are a lot of people out there writing a lot of different ways.

now that is helpful to me, because I've been trying to understand what it IS, exactly, and I've noticed many different styles too, so I wonder if it's even possible to construct a classically valid definition of contemporary poetry----and if not, how can it be critiqued? on what bases?

Michael

Hello Michael:

I'm very sorry to hear about your loss. Nothing that can be said will make it better. Feel your grief is all I ever say, at times like this, because to keep it in is always worse. Your poem is lovely and I like the images. They work well. Write always and more about your Mom, your life, hers, all and everything fit matter for poems. In this way we add to the world and share with others. Then there is a little less night.

Best Regards,
John

how gracious, J. Baralle----my heart is grateful for yours...

Michael