I don't know what you will think of this, but even when you get mad at me, I still  love you----this is my latest light poem----won't directly post it here because of past experiences with such poems here, but want you to see it, because of what you said above:


THE DAY THAT EARTH ASCENDS

she lifts beyond the black
broken carcass of her past

beyond the stench of death
broad wings extend

they reach with ease
from out the rot of fallen darkness
to grip a sure rebirth
beneath the flood of clearest sun

we take positions all across her surface
standing as a people altogether tall

deeply we inspire light
then ride into tomorrow
on chariots of joy

her great wings surround us
allowing us to walk her wild-fire
and burn fully ripened with her passion

we are her Independence Day
her rocket babies shot through time
far past the known sky

we cross through each dimension
into a boundless ocean
where each of us becomes creation
allowed to join the ancients
whose melodies began
before the first
kiss of time

with them we can sing
all the silver songs
that forever pour out galaxies
golden with infinities
of life



Michael

What can I say but 'Wow', Michael. (I'd cut 'immortal' because without it I think the 'inspire' works wonders.)

milner

I am happy to delete immortal if you will help me understand why you believe it is not a good word-choice there?

Michael

It's merely that I thought, Michael, that as so often, a qualifying adjective can defeat its intended  purpose to strengthen its associated noun, and end up weakening it.

But it's your poem, not mine.

milner

thanks for answering so directly----think I see what you mean now----read it aloud, with and without, and without is better----so will delete...

Michael

I like it best just like this:

the moon has
such a lonely life

I worry for the impending destruction of our planet.  I like how you touch upon this topic by using the moon to give it your theme an original quality.  I do think the piece could end with the wounded Earth and say what you need to say, but I don't think actual cutting is necessary.  I am drawn to the simplicity in some of your poems such as this one.

Love moon as "tumbler," Milner!
Want to read
"except
this wounded earth"
as one S, the better to also hear the echo of
"accept
this wounded earth".
Tom

Thanks, Karl and Casey.

Tom, I've taken your excellent advice. I think I'm getting better at managing this form than when this was written - but we'll never be perfect, which is one of the reasons I use this site.

milner