the moon has
such a lonely life

so near
and yet so far
from all the other
tumblers
in the sky

except
this wounded earth

scarred
by the claws
of man

Such is the nature of friendship.

Cool.

Sometimes poetry is just the ability to see, one you always have, Milner.
Vasile

possibly one of the reasons I enjoy this site so much, the poetry is great. Liked this milner, the title makes it for me.

Bernie

'and yet so far from all the tumblers in the sky'.....   love that line.  Lovely.

Laura

My favorite line, too.  But not my favorite work by my favorite poet.  End stanza [forgive me] seems a bit tired?

lynn

I am feeling a bit like Lynn.......if it were me I would do some cutting....(  now that doesn't suprise you does it? me?  suggesting a bit of a trim?   lol  )

example:

the moon has
such a lonely life

so near
and yet so far
from all the other
tumblers
in the sky

except

this one
scarred
earth   (might even think of some other way to say earth?  just something to think on.....)


fraught
bloodstained
from the claws
of man
 

xo M

oh, ps.  whatever you do, keep the title though........I like that very much......

You and Lynn have got me in a tizzy now, Michelle. I deliberately started this in a conversational voice, to avoid being sententious. Still a bit worried that the cuts might lead that way. Analytical thought required and not ready for that in the early morning. Later...

Thanks

milner

Ah, I missed the conversational Milner......(it was late, I probably shouldn't review when I'm a zombie)  but in that case, maybe just make some adjustments to that last stanza?  xo M

Gosh. I liked "from the claws of man."

Humans are driven to take over the universe, to close the gaps. Don't you think?

The only thing that stands in the way is Nature herself.

for every heart a sun; for every mind a moon...

Michael

After considerable ponderings and confustications, herewith a new ending. Have I fallen between two mountains of stools (ambiguity is my name - reference 'stools') ?

Cheers (maybe?)

milner

milner----of late, I find myself in this same place, the one you describe here----everytime I look into Earth, which is often, these are the scenes I see----they haunt, they trouble all the waters, and they seem to be marking the time that is left us----what thinkest thou?...

Michael

Let's put it this way, Michael - it ain't looking good. I feel I may be lucky to be old, and the Gadarene swine come to mind. And I'm an optimist. Maybe that's why I shy, mostly, from writing dark poems. Who knows? Ways may be found if enough have honest vision, and a load of courage. It's sure going to be a bumpy ride, but when has it ever been anything else? Despair serves none.

Cheers

milner

I don't know what you will think of this, but even when you get mad at me, I still  love you----this is my latest light poem----won't directly post it here because of past experiences with such poems here, but want you to see it, because of what you said above:


THE DAY THAT EARTH ASCENDS

she lifts beyond the black
broken carcass of her past

beyond the stench of death
broad wings extend

they reach with ease
from out the rot of fallen darkness
to grip a sure rebirth
beneath the flood of clearest sun

we take positions all across her surface
standing as a people altogether tall

deeply we inspire light
then ride into tomorrow
on chariots of joy

her great wings surround us
allowing us to walk her wild-fire
and burn fully ripened with her passion

we are her Independence Day
her rocket babies shot through time
far past the known sky

we cross through each dimension
into a boundless ocean
where each of us becomes creation
allowed to join the ancients
whose melodies began
before the first
kiss of time

with them we can sing
all the silver songs
that forever pour out galaxies
golden with infinities
of life



Michael

What can I say but 'Wow', Michael. (I'd cut 'immortal' because without it I think the 'inspire' works wonders.)

milner

I am happy to delete immortal if you will help me understand why you believe it is not a good word-choice there?

Michael

It's merely that I thought, Michael, that as so often, a qualifying adjective can defeat its intended  purpose to strengthen its associated noun, and end up weakening it.

But it's your poem, not mine.

milner

thanks for answering so directly----think I see what you mean now----read it aloud, with and without, and without is better----so will delete...

Michael

I like it best just like this:

the moon has
such a lonely life

I worry for the impending destruction of our planet.  I like how you touch upon this topic by using the moon to give it your theme an original quality.  I do think the piece could end with the wounded Earth and say what you need to say, but I don't think actual cutting is necessary.  I am drawn to the simplicity in some of your poems such as this one.

Love moon as "tumbler," Milner!
Want to read
"except
this wounded earth"
as one S, the better to also hear the echo of
"accept
this wounded earth".
Tom

Thanks, Karl and Casey.

Tom, I've taken your excellent advice. I think I'm getting better at managing this form than when this was written - but we'll never be perfect, which is one of the reasons I use this site.

milner