At work on a Friday two hours to go sitting around talking about buying houses and selling houses and refrigerators and dishwashers now 1 hour 43 minutes to go now it's dustpans now 1 hour 37 it's chimney liners christ my co-workers think this shit is really interesting now their talking about cleaning dustpans in they're dishwashers fuck where are the razor blades when you need them I know suicide is a sin but really

like what's here but want a little more, Roger. If you add "unpacking" or something like that before "refrigerators" it might add texture to the need for razor. Tom

Tom,

I've given you more but adding texture might make it too interesting.

;-)

Roger

Nicely bewildered, Roger, or should it be bewildered nicely?

milner

LOL! Thanks milner - you know, it's just that Friday feeling - at home now, on the hard stuff - Costa coffee and home made Victoria sponge !

Regards,

Roger

It ends a little too angry for me when to me it is a humorous piece.  I see duct tape in place of razor blades.  Should I try putting the dustpan in the dishwasher???  ...quite a moment

Hi Casey,

It's not meant to be angry at then end but just a (blackly) humours suggestion of being so bored that the N feels suicidal, or had other (recreational, involving mirrors!) need for razor blades.  BTW, wouldn't mind your thoughts on 'porridge, because we always had it' if you have a mo, and don't mind.

Regards,

Roger

Oh I was reading your piece wrong.  I thought the razor was for the dustpan people and you wanted to slice their throats, so I thought duct tape would be better to shut them up.  Now I see the razor should say...my bad.

Hi Casey,

Mine I think as you're not the first to read it that way!

Roger

I see the clarification.  I reread your piece a few times.  One thought I have for slightly smoother reading is that I am not sure you need the parallel structure of buying houses and selling houses.  You could write buying and selling houses as that is the lingo unless the topic literally moved from buying houses and then to selling houses.  Blah blah.  Do you know the distinction I am talking about?   I am also thinking that you could eliminate the second "now."...just offering some thoughts.  Take them for what they are worth.

Casey,

Yes you absolutely right in what you say, but I wanted the repetition to underline the tedium of the situation - why should I be the only one to suffer?!!

;-)

Roger

enjoying the relatives - how the talk to escape the tedium of work is too tedious, the progression of implements, then the comparison of suicide and sin...

their talking = they're talking?

Tom,

Glad you liked, and thanks for the typo alert!

Roger

Format.  No.....reformat. 

Content could work.

D

just here for a revisit and I don't think you need to reformat.  I like how it comes out as one big blabber because it fits with the blabber of the environment and I like the clarification in your ending now.

Casey

Yes Casey, one blabber is just right!  Thanks for your comments that help me sort out the ambiguities in the ending - it was a classic case of hearing something in your head one way, and not realizing how it works when somebody else reads it. Glad no one will think that I want to do violence to people moving home anymore!

Roger   

D

Thanks for having a look - as to re-formating, as Casey says, it's in that form as it represents the blabber/rant nature of the content. It was written extemporaneously - and the form just flowed from that, but I feel it works well for this piece.

Roger