porridge, because we always had it *Major rewrite*

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« PoetryCircle • The Writing • Submit your poetry • Topic: porridge, because we always had it *Major rewrite* »

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Re: porridge, because we always had it
« Reply #15 on: January 27, 2012, 10:15:02 AM » by Roger Fizzerton

Would somebody be kind enough to move this to 'workshop' for me please?

Thanks,

Roger

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Patience is a virtue, they say - but then I never claimed to be virtuous!

Re: porridge, because we always had it *Major rewrite*
« Reply #16 on: January 28, 2012, 01:43:11 PM » by Casey Powers

I like what you have done. This needs to go back to submit. I like how you dealt with removing the fragile and sugary crust. It is fun to see the revisions.

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Casey Powers

Re: porridge, because we always had it *Major rewrite*
« Reply #17 on: January 28, 2012, 02:54:17 PM » by Tom Riordan

I love how bold the revision is, Roger. Tom

Quote from: Roger Fenton on January 19, 2012, 11:43:13 AM

the crazed blue zigzags
of my bowl
blur

I notice, again
the first accusing
failure of the day
cold
congealed
unstated

the pointless sugar
now half dissolved
to mocking syrup

the spoon
lies virgin

not to eat
is to betray you

to eat
is to betray you

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Re: porridge, because we always had it *Major rewrite*
« Reply #18 on: January 28, 2012, 04:11:44 PM » by Tom Riordan

moving to Submit

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