Mum banned crayons from the house
after the Artistic One had drawn
an elephant on the tablecloth.

The Practical One took a pencil and ruler,  
mapped out a Union Jack
on butcher’s paper.

She labelled where each segment
should be blue or red in pencil
and showed it to Dad.

The next day the Artistic One
drew his sister’s portrait
her blue ribbons framing her rosy cheeks
on the back cover of Mrs Beeton.


(American Version)
Labels


Mom banned crayons from the house
after the Artistic One had drawn
a fire truck on the tablecloth.

The Practical One took a pencil and ruler,  
mapped out the Stars and Stripes
on butcher’s paper.

She labelled where each segment
should be blue or red in pencil
and showed it to Dad.

The next day the Artistic One
drew his sister’s portrait
her blue ribbons framing her dark brown eyes
on the fly leaf of Aunt Jemima.

I love this whole story, Sue, with its fun surprise at the end. Beeton a bit obscure over here, but maybe all the better!
A question about what's implied in last S. He used pencil too, incorporating the back cover graphics to form his sister's ribbons and cheeks? used colored pencils? crayons had been brought back? Tom

Hmmm, the crayons were re-instated...tho'I like your first suggestion too!  I wonder how I can clarify that...pondering...

This doesn't go anywhere for me. First I am distracted by the labeled people themselves (Artistic One, etc.). Then the poem just ends without any observable transcendence or meaning.

On the contrary.  These two siblings are competing for their parents affections. When the Artistic one loses the crayons as punishment from the mother and becomes jealous of the father's approval of the Practical one, retaliation comes in the form of defacing the mother's household management reference book.

The labels tell the reader how the two characters approach life.  The Artistic one expresses himself freely and the Practical one plans her approach. :)

I think is very fine, and every line rang true for me.  I didn't get the rivalry/seaking approval idea - I just took the last S as reflecting the way that children will often just do what they want to do regardless of what you say!
Much enjoyed.

Roger

Real fine one, Sue.

milner

THanks for all the comments.  Karl, I'm always torn between spelling everything out in a poem for clarity, and leaving the reader some work to do to...in this case I was hoping there was enough clues in the poem for the reader to understand the family dynamics going on. I do strive for clarity...I much prefer Sharon Olds http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/browse/150/2#20601116 over TS Elliott http://www.poetry-archive.com/e/love_song_of_j_alfred_prufrock.html for instance, (tho I am very fond of Elliott too!)

Lavonne your reading of the poem is bang on target.  Thanks for the helpful feedback...in our family of 4 children we each had labels...I was the Musical One, and the Clumsy One, and the Dreamy One. My brother, The Artistic One was also the Naughty One!

Roger and Milner thanks ofr the encouragment. :)

Marvelous atmosphere here! I've been The Artistic One and the mom.
This read like a wee novel to me!

A lovely, witty story.

dear Sue

for me this resonates with the abounding need for society to label
the first moment after birth.

for my ear this is a wonderfully penned art work.

congratulations !





& if i may, a bit in the same vain about labeling & judgement is something i posted long ago

http://poetrycircle.com/index.php/topic,23486.0/all.html


a warm smile
silent lotus

`

love how you just
can't stop what's
inside.

well done.

tiko

An early battle in a continuing war.  I bet the siblings are still at it, visiting their parents in the hospital.  At least they are in my wife's family.

You're right on the nail there Rick!

great write, Sue!
I am still finding the crayon drafts of Artistic One the First.
Artistic One the Second does most of hers with a tablet and 3D program.

Stella

Never have any drawing materials in the house that are not water soluble!

...tho having a permanent public pictorial record of kids' early attempts on walls & wallpaper keeps their heads from swelling...

@sue - sans crayons, kids will improvise.  While still in the crib, both my kids found ways to draw on their walls.  She cut her finger some how (I think trying to climb out) and paints lovely red lines on the wall. He just used the poop in his diaper.

Kids can be disgusting. :)

(Though both the above are water soluble!)

Here, that would have been the moment Child Services walked in...

Hmmm, my sone used the contents of his nose.

Good one Sue.  So right Tom.  Children are so creative.

I didn't get your reference to Mrs. Beeton until I read the responses to your work and your explanation. I live in Connecticut, USA which might be why.  It is a rather complex piece told simply, which I like.  When you have to look up things in order to fully understand a poem, it can make it all the better.  I could relate to this work and the concept of applying labels since I have been a victim of unwelcome labels and also proud of my other labels.  I like your portrayal of the family dynamic.

As Tom mentioned, the final reference eludes me.  Just a
cultural difference I suppose.  Overall,  this seems to lack
the mastery I have heard you exhibit in other songs.  Maybe
you are experimenting with a different style that I don't
connect with yet.  Until then,  I will read patiently.

D

Thank you Casey, and Desiree, good to see you around again...Is there an iconic cookbook in America that a mother would have prized on her shelves in 1960 ish?  it would probably have been abit old fashioned even then...

I'd like to experiment with an American version!

That might be "Betty Crocker."

from Wikipedia:
1930, General Mills issued softbound recipe books, including in 1933 Betty Crocker's 101 Delicious Bisquick Creations, As Made and Served by Well-Known Gracious Hostesses, Famous Chefs, Distinguished Epicures and Smart Luminaries of Movieland.
In 1945, Fortune  magazine named Betty Crocker the second most popular American woman; Eleanor Roosevelt was named first.

http://www.tvacres.com/cooks_goldberg.htm


`

By way of example, my personal copy. Published in 1974.

I'd say Fannie Farmer and Betty Crocker are the two stand outs. But why experiment.  Someone who wants to delve into the poem will find it easy to 'google' the background info.  I like the choice of Mrs. Beeton because 'she' spans many generations!

The OG:

My parents had Better Homes and Gardens Cookbook with a red checked cover, which is somewhat of an icon.  I have one too.  It has been around a long time.

Mustn't forget AJ

Wow! thanks for all the wonderful responses...now which of them fits the rhythm? tap...tap...tap.
Labels


Mum banned crayons from the house
after the Artistic One had drawn
an elephant on the tablecloth.

The Practical One took a pencil and ruler, 
mapped out the Stars and Stripes
on butcher’s paper.

She labelled where each segment
should be blue or red in pencil
and showed it to Dad.

The next day the Artistic One
drew his sister’s portrait
her blue ribbons framing her rosy cheeks
on the back cover of Aunt Jemima.

For your American version you might want to consider changing Mum to Mom as the American way is mom.  Also my thoughts are that Aunt Jemima doesn't work.  Personally I prefer that you use mommy's favorite cookbook, Betty Crocker, or Better Homes and Gardens.  The reason I say this is I think that the Artistic One drawing his rosy cheeked sister on the cookbook as some kind of defacement doesn't work for me because...well how can I explain.  Okay I will just say it.  I think that Aunt Jemima is a potentially racist image and at the very least a stereotypical image of a black woman.  I don't think using Aunt Jemima is portraying your poem as intended...instead it is adding a different element to it.  Also, Aunt Jemima was known for pancakes and syrup...something about it comes across as a mockery of Aunt Jemima herself instead of a defacement of mom's prized cookbook.  Those are just some of my thoughts from the perspective of some of my labels which include being a white woman who teaches economically disadvantaged minorities and as a person who is not prejudiced...blah blah

One more thing...in America an elephant is a symbol for a political party, which could cause confusion for some readers because then the practical one goes on to draw the stars and stripes.  Sorry, I am just trying to help you make your American version a true American version because I like your poem.

Sue, I agree that"her rosy cheeks/on the back cover of Aunt Jemima" adds another aspect to the poem, but I think that's a good thing, especially in "Labels," and I think it's better to remember rather than delete the racist stereotypes from accounts of our past (and present). To me, the issue is whether the back cover of the cookbook  works as well as another back cover for what you're describing. - Tom

Casey and Tom wow! Thanks again.  I should have caught that Mom reference...it always niggles me when I see it because Mum is so natural to me...some area's of England have Mam instead...which is just as strange to my ear...

Aunt Jemima is more fraught...I chose her because it matched the rhythm and I thought I was being inclusive...but if so I should have changed the rosy-cheeked sister so it could be imagined that she might have been the same colour as the reader.  How does it feel now excluding Aunt Jemima from the whole poem because of these difficulties?  

Better Homes and Gardens is a non starter, it's too long and probably too middle class for my purposes.  Betty Crocker might be safer but I want to stick with Aunt Jemima.  Mostly for the reasons Tom mentions and because I don't want to take the easy way out.  Here's the version we're talking about...I'll amend the top of the thread.

Latest version

Labels

Mom banned crayons from the house
after the Artistic One had drawn
a firetruck on the tablecloth.

The Practical One took a pencil and ruler,  
mapped out the Stars and Stripes
on butcher’s paper.

She labelled where each segment
should be blue or red in pencil
and showed it to Dad.

The next day the Artistic One
drew his sister’s portrait
her blue ribbons framing her dark brown eyes
on the fly leaf of Aunt Jemima.

I like it and I like how you had the Artistic One draw a firetruck further increasing the label status by emphasizing that the Artistic One is a boy.

to picks. Tom

Thanks Tom.  Very much appreiciated.