Mum banned crayons from the house
after the Artistic One had drawn
an elephant on the tablecloth.

The Practical One took a pencil and ruler,  
mapped out a Union Jack
on butcher’s paper.

She labelled where each segment
should be blue or red in pencil
and showed it to Dad.

The next day the Artistic One
drew his sister’s portrait
her blue ribbons framing her rosy cheeks
on the back cover of Mrs Beeton.


(American Version)
Labels


Mom banned crayons from the house
after the Artistic One had drawn
a fire truck on the tablecloth.

The Practical One took a pencil and ruler,  
mapped out the Stars and Stripes
on butcher’s paper.

She labelled where each segment
should be blue or red in pencil
and showed it to Dad.

The next day the Artistic One
drew his sister’s portrait
her blue ribbons framing her dark brown eyes
on the fly leaf of Aunt Jemima.

I love this whole story, Sue, with its fun surprise at the end. Beeton a bit obscure over here, but maybe all the better!
A question about what's implied in last S. He used pencil too, incorporating the back cover graphics to form his sister's ribbons and cheeks? used colored pencils? crayons had been brought back? Tom

Hmmm, the crayons were re-instated...tho'I like your first suggestion too!  I wonder how I can clarify that...pondering...

This doesn't go anywhere for me. First I am distracted by the labeled people themselves (Artistic One, etc.). Then the poem just ends without any observable transcendence or meaning.

On the contrary.  These two siblings are competing for their parents affections. When the Artistic one loses the crayons as punishment from the mother and becomes jealous of the father's approval of the Practical one, retaliation comes in the form of defacing the mother's household management reference book.

The labels tell the reader how the two characters approach life.  The Artistic one expresses himself freely and the Practical one plans her approach. :)

I think is very fine, and every line rang true for me.  I didn't get the rivalry/seaking approval idea - I just took the last S as reflecting the way that children will often just do what they want to do regardless of what you say!
Much enjoyed.

Roger

Real fine one, Sue.

milner

THanks for all the comments.  Karl, I'm always torn between spelling everything out in a poem for clarity, and leaving the reader some work to do to...in this case I was hoping there was enough clues in the poem for the reader to understand the family dynamics going on. I do strive for clarity...I much prefer Sharon Olds http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/browse/150/2#20601116 over TS Elliott http://www.poetry-archive.com/e/love_song_of_j_alfred_prufrock.html for instance, (tho I am very fond of Elliott too!)

Lavonne your reading of the poem is bang on target.  Thanks for the helpful feedback...in our family of 4 children we each had labels...I was the Musical One, and the Clumsy One, and the Dreamy One. My brother, The Artistic One was also the Naughty One!

Roger and Milner thanks ofr the encouragment. :)

Marvelous atmosphere here! I've been The Artistic One and the mom.
This read like a wee novel to me!

A lovely, witty story.

dear Sue

for me this resonates with the abounding need for society to label
the first moment after birth.

for my ear this is a wonderfully penned art work.

congratulations !





& if i may, a bit in the same vain about labeling & judgement is something i posted long ago

http://poetrycircle.com/index.php/topic,23486.0/all.html


a warm smile
silent lotus

`

love how you just
can't stop what's
inside.

well done.

tiko

An early battle in a continuing war.  I bet the siblings are still at it, visiting their parents in the hospital.  At least they are in my wife's family.

You're right on the nail there Rick!

great write, Sue!
I am still finding the crayon drafts of Artistic One the First.
Artistic One the Second does most of hers with a tablet and 3D program.

Stella