the world was created
four billions years ago
and some

said josh
to arnold bosomworth
 
thee'll be lucky
to make
another ten

think on

I've cut this back to its original form. The last stanza that I've taken off was an addenda:

news
by its nature
is
the past

Think that didn't work here - maybe suit another poem.

Cheers

milner

I like that "think on" ending here, Milner-reminds me of Du mußt dein Leben ändern, You must change your life, at end of Rilke poem.
The two names great together.
capital J?
-Tom

I think the names are great,  but to me, they seem a bit out of keeping with the rest of the poem - perhaps I am missing something?

Regards,

Roger

Thanks. Tom, those spelling correcters in Word are forever putting caps in - some I miss.

Thanks, Roger. I'd added Joshua's full name after adding the ex stanza, for reasons of rhythm. The version now up is the original version. So glad you pulled me up on that.

milner

funny, Milner.
i enjoyed this.

'think on' had me
thinking!

tiko

Without considering any context in other poems for these two characters, Milner, I wonder if "I'll" or "We'll" for "You'll" adds something to this one? Tom

for me this one ends at ten
love your work, milner.
no josh


Stella

Ta, Tiko.

Tom I like to think that there's a slight air of malice in Josh here, but I have made a change to 'thee'll', because it better suits the dialect that I hear.

Thanks, Stella. 'think on' is very much used in local idiom, but i hope also works at several levels.

milner

. . . .thinking on it. . . .

Even pre WORD there were the human equivalents, SL. A person who typed up a full manuscript of a novel for me on her typewriter, scattered it with exclamation marks, which I rarely ever use. As she had done it for free, what could I do or say, except quietly bin the result of so much effort?
Cheers

milner

Dear Milner, Well done. Now it puts me into thinking on! Best wishes, David

Scintilla...

I mean,
scintillating!

like place of milner; like a piano out of tune, no ivory left to touch. dusty, billions of years old yet there will remain the worn marks of life that once danced to the tune.