Mom and Dad have a sake set:
tiny porcelain cups with no handles.

Each held to the light, you see
a Japanese woman or a Japanese man.

When the dark eyed woman
isn't sleeping, she's fierce.

The poem has the same translucence as the sake cups you describe, which is just lovely, making the last sentence seem so clear and true, for all its mysteries. Tom

I like this, cheryl.

Some thoughts on tightening.

Mom and Dad had a sake set:
tiny porcelain cups with no handles.

Held up to the light, you'd see
a Japanese woman or a Japanese man.

When the dark eyed woman wasn't sleeping,
she was fierce.

Maggie

Thanks Tom, I love your comments.  Just what I could wish for.

Maggie, thank you as well.  Your suggestions are invaluable. 

I made even more changes.  Please let me know what you think.

The thing is I may have changed this from a childhood thing to a 'today' thing.  Not sure that was the wise thing to do.  But heck, I can always change it back.

Thank you very much.

The new edit is wonderful

"Holding each to the light" in L4, to head off misreading (?) that you can't tell if it's a man or woman, rather than that some have a man, some have a woman?

Ross, thank you so much.  Nice meeting you & kind of you to comment.

Tom, thank you.  You're comment makes me think of something I had in mind -- removing the Japanese man altogether, or I could use your idea.  Do I really need both man and woman?  And now that I think about it, I don't think a man was ever visible -- just a beautiful Asian woman with dark eyes and hair.

Having the man there gives her a reason to be fierce, or a someone to be fierce at. The "Mom and Dad" in the original also fed into that idea. Erasing both, a very different poem, depends what's on your mind, I guess.

What the real cups had on them, well, you know me, I'm of the Big Liar School of Poetry! Tom

Tom you're right about the mom & dad thing.  Awesome idea.  Thank you!

I think the full stop after woman works for the poem, Cheryl.

Holding each to the light, you see
a Japanese woman. Or a Japanese man.

Doesn't that makes it sound like you can't tell which, again?

Dressed ornately you might not know. I see it as a silhouette in the light. The headwork could be deceiving.

What if the "or" was dropped but the full stop left in?

...you see a Japanese women.  A Japanese man.

I've been following this one with interest Cheryl - I like it very much - M

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Sake


Mom and Dad have a sake set:
tiny porcelain cups with no handles.

Holding each to the light, you see
a Japanese woman or a Japanese man.

When the dark eyed woman isn't sleeping,
     she's fierce.



cherylleverette©


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dear Cheryl

i am delighted with the subtlety of cups with no handles.....
that for me reaches a myriad of dimensions that actually holds universal questioning
firmly within reach.


a warm smile
silent lotus

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