maybe he'd have been
the first man on the moon.

And had Prometheus never heard of fire,
maybe he'd have been a bird lover
and destroyed his liver the old-fashioned way.

And had Tantalus never dabbled in cooking,
maybe he'd have been a glutton
bigger than Dale the Whale
and died of a heart attack
at the VIP table of the Athens Morton's
after devouring three medium-rare porterhouses
on the eve of his 40th birthday.

And had Sisyphus been less crafty with handcuffs and chains,
maybe he'd have been the sedentary sort,
content to sit around all day
looking over this rock collection,
and his doctor would have gotten on his lazy ass,
told him, "Why not try walking more?
Or better yet, ever try mountain climbing?"

And had Paris been gay,
maybe he'd have told Athena, Aphrodite and Hera,
"Sisters, I'm really not the one you should be asking,"
and laid the apple at their feet and walked away,
and wooden horses would be acceptable wedding gifts,
and no one would know Achilles' secret,
Odysseus would have been a stay at home dad
and Cassandra just a crank.

And had I been Felix Unger,
maybe I'd have pulled more of my weight
around the house
and my hand wouldn't be pawing at
the empty space in the closet
where your clothes used to be.

Nicely played on your lute, Thomas.

milner

This is an absolute cracker! I like the way the title slides into the poem, establishing all the hads and maybes that follow. There’s a really good melding of dubious figures from classical history and familiar contemporary junk. I enjoyed the humour, and the way the whole shebang crash landed. Excellent.

Cheers

Thanks to you both!

@Oskar: Maggie has suggested on another poem I had posted that I should get away from my habit of making the first line the title of my poems and suggested the strategy of having the title slide into the first line. So her feedback was definitely put to use here on this one.

I'm in a little trouble w/ my girlfriend over it b/c she thinks it seems to postulate that change is not possible - that we are who we are, destiny is fixed, etc. My response was twofold.

I said, "Well, that's just the narrator of the poem who sort of takes this view, and we people outside of the poem are free to say 'no, you're completely wrong.'"

And I made sure to perform unsolicited, random acts of cleaning around the house. (-)--)

Forget the role-play. End the relationship and move to Stepford.

I very much enjoyed this trip through the might'a beens of myth. 

The 'and had' openings began to get old and I wanted some variations, but I liked this all the same, and especially, as oskar mentioned, how the whole shebang crash landed.  ditto his "Excellent!"

ld

Maybe:

on the eve of his 40th birthday.

for

just short of his 40th birthday. 

Do you need to say mountain?

told him, "Why not try walking more?
Or better yet, maybe climb some stairs."

What about:

then wooden horses would have been more acceptable as wedding gifts
and no one would know Achilles secret,

For me, the reps anchor the poem and allow the us of myth to develop.

I enjoyed it.

Maggie

Thanks to you both.

@Maggie - I like the "on the eve" suggestion and I think you're right on the wedding gifts line. I wanted to play on the old "beware of Greek bearing gifts", but maybe doing it there is a little too much - makes the line feel like it's trying too hard.

I sort of like sticking w/ "mountain" only b/c it ties in so directly w/ the myth. Maybe "ever try mountain climbing?" makes the line a little tighter. Thanks.

I got the myth at rock collection. Thought mountain was a bit predictable.

Thomas,

This is a wonderful poem; I love it. I hope you submit it for publication. What I love is the clever, rueful,use of classical
mythology to deal with loss and what might have been. It
is a sophisticated, elegant piece of stitching and has a cumulative effect on the reader. You are a damn good poet!

                             Ken

On the repeats, yes, definitely keep -- I'm a sucker for repeats -- just thought a little variation ... well, you know.

Regardless, a pick.

Poet as significant other? Hmmmmm. Tough. Very tough. Make that very, very tough.

Keep a draw full of those random acts.

And be sure to keep a draw full of zone time for yourself.

Maggie

This is quite nice work.

I love how the tone shifts at the end.  Very fine poem.

I really enjoy the shift at the end. Something about the classical to the everyday really works here. Sometimes that's hard to do. Here it's natural and well penned. Enjoyed like a good meal - as served - all the way to dessert.