a line is drawn
    without caution

a stroke of
     her horizon

shaded

blown
into the day




Stella Read
September 7, 2010

Stella, You might want to get tighter and clearer.  Maggie

a line is drawn
   without caution
 
a stroke
   of her horizon
   
shaded, then blown
   into the future

thanks, Maggie
that really does work!

nice edit!  Enjoyed, stella.

ld

Stella, this is so lovely, a complex abstraction made visible. I wonder if another form of
"shaded" might suit better, as I don't see a "line drawn without caution" then being "shaded,"
so if you're describing that line itself, maybe "shading" or even "shade". Tom

picked.

you beat me to it Lynn; it was in my sights.
well done, Stella.

tiko

Wonderful fragment.  I would love to see this scrawled somewhere in public, maybe a bus-stop, alleyway... very evocative, and would become all the more powerful in a physical setting.  What stories would people dream up?  Even those with little exposure to excellent poetry like this.  Bravo.

Lynn, thank you for your kind reply. much appreciate the pick! thanks again to Maggie for her suggestions

 thank you, Tom. will give it some thought. I was thinking of a bold stroke across the paper and then the dust that would come from shading the edges. does that make sense?

merci beaucoup, tiko

a lovely comment, RLR. made me smile. thank you


Stella

See, you leave me behind with your familiarity with drawing, Stella. So - a bold stroke whose own edges would shed a shading dust? or you'd go back and shade in the edges of the bold stroke afterwards?

loved it stella

the few changes a definite improvement

cheers

james

Stella, I'm posting the revision to Front Page, by itself. Poem itself does just what you describe in it, a magic. Tom

Lovely Stella - M

congrats, Stella.
wonderful poem.

tiko

Smiles this morning to find this up front!  Congratulations!

ld