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the cricket
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the cricket
«
on:
September 06, 2010, 02:46:09 AM »
by
Andrew badley
Where are you?
Did you leave?
Are you dead?
I miss you already, only knowing of your absence for mere minutes.
Your song slowly fading, i fear it will leave me entirely.
I went blind for you, you repaid me with sour notifications.
A song so beautiful yet so dead, i live without you now.
You told me when night began, and day would end.
repetitive, rooster like, and oh so foul.
Yet i cannot, shall not, live without it.
It is and always will be a part of me.
Where are you?
Did you leave?
Are you dead?
I miss you still, though years have past.
replacements are stagnantly vile, and fluid as venom.
Let the birds chirp and the frogs croak.
i only want my cricket by me side, singing its idle, slowly fast, and perpetual song.
The others hate me for my lack of love affairs.
but i love you to much to hate them back.
I am beginning to hate what you and I've become.
though you left, you are more apart of me than your own.
Where are you?
Did you leave?
Are you dead?
its been decades now, yet your song still rings.
I've heard what really happened, but now its to late.
You were my only cage, bars made of wing and leg.
scratch your back to sooth me sadness.
I know why you are gone, and i can only say I'm destroyed.
Why you ran? Why you died? Why you still haunt me with your love.
My hate for myself replaced with hate for you.
i enjoy nothing but your song, and now i am alone.
Where are you?
I don't know.
Did you leave?
I don't care.
Are you dead?
I don't want to talk about it.
Logged
I will start believing in god if starts believing in me.
Re: the cricket
«
Reply #1 on:
September 06, 2010, 05:31:36 AM »
by
milner place
An interesting piece, Andrew. Maybe it could use some condensing, but I'm unsure on that. I think the centring works for this. The plaintive voice drips down.
milner
Logged
'Caminante, no hay camino,
se hace camino al andar'
- Antonio Machado
Latest book 'naked invitation' $15 or £10, p&p inc
milnerplace@msn.com
Re: the cricket
«
Reply #2 on:
September 08, 2010, 10:55:47 AM »
by
Rick Stansberger
What makes the cricket oh so foul? That connection isn't in my emotional lexicon, though it could be, with some more development. Since i don't get that, the rest of the poem's emotions seem overblown to me.
Rick
Logged
Rick's fifth book is out: Gizmo--love, loss and the passion to know--in the first part of the last century.
Re: the cricket
«
Reply #3 on:
September 08, 2010, 11:33:48 AM »
by
StellaR
curiouser and curiouser it kept me reading.
to should be too in S 9 and 12. also, sooth or soothe? apart or a part?
sorry Andrew, I usually leave the editing to the experts. it would certainly be worth the effort to polish this piece.
the style you chose is very effective for your subject, Andrew
will watch for more from you
Stella
Logged
“Logical argument is what destroys poetry because poetry is beyond logic.” Robert Graves
Re: the cricket
«
Reply #4 on:
September 08, 2010, 02:43:38 PM »
by
Andrew badley
Quote from: Rick Stansberger on September 08, 2010, 10:55:47 AM
What makes the cricket oh so foul? That connection isn't in my emotional lexicon, though it could be, with some more development. Since i don't get that, the rest of the poem's emotions seem overblown to me.
Rick
Dear Rick,
i have received replies on almost all my poems from you. If you are going to keep replying, please start giving information instead of just random tidbits of thought that you have.
Andrew
Logged
I will start believing in god if starts believing in me.
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