Dazzled on a ladder, Wendy Hiller
is seduced from proper English straitness
by a good old-fashioned Scottish ceilidh,
but this is not Kiloran, and it isn't Caithness.

It is restrained enough: no skirling, no whooping,
no sweaty celebrations of the sexes;
perhaps a little self-conscious foot-tapping
at moments of heightened Dionysian excess.

Over the dollan's deep subservient thunder
are pipes and whistles, guitars and fiddles galore,
and sometimes one of those musical chest expanders,
the love child of a piano and a bellows.

Among the jigs and reels, the occasional
blues or ragtime number's tossed in, deftly,
to jazz things up, a pinch of welcome seasoning;
old songs of loss are chanted softly.

The music brings them here each week, and when
it's finished, when its gorgeous lineaments
have been renewed, it puts them by again.
The music loves its willing instruments.

Wonderful music here. The rhymes  are soft and slant enough to not grate, or set up a sing-song. Some of the lines seem metrically awkward to my ear. The difficulty of trying to avoid the da dum, da dum might be helped by skipping a rhyme and in some cases bringing a line up short. For instance, I'd drop 'galore' from L2 of S3... just some thoughts. Delightful read.

larry

Love S2, David! Tom

agree this is deligtful,
pubbish.  the rhyme does
not detract.  read it on my
phone, which breaks the lines
funky, so couldn't establish a
rhythm. 

S2 is the strongest.

thanks,

tiko

There are some nice metrical lines here, lar, but this isn't a metrical piece.

These are great lines, and I wish the piece ended here with the third.

The music brings them here each week, and when
it's finished, when its gorgeous lineaments
have been renewed, it puts them by again.

Why go with the obvious seasoning to pinch, when reasoning suits the thought process that adds the alternative sounds.
It would also feed off deftly pretty well.

Among the jigs and reels, the occasional
blues or ragtime number's tossed in, deftly,
to jazz things up—a pinch of welcome reasoning;
old songs of loss are chanted softly.

Niec piece.  Maggie

Oh contraire, Maggie. It's irregular iambic pentameter. That is the most forgiving - and least demanding - of metres, I grant you that, but nevertheless that's what it is. Five beats to every line. That's what I hear, anyway. Thanks for the helpful suggestions as well.

And thanks Larry, Tom and Tiko too. (Larry, I'm fond of that "galore" because it is a Gaelic word, or at least of Gaelic provenance.)

S1 is a reference to one of my favourite films. Has anyone seen I Know Where I'm Going?

Cheers all

David

I like the musicality but wonder what happened to poor Wendy.  She seemed to be a mere device, but perhaps could have been returned to at the end to show the music's transformative effects, if any there were.

This is what I hear: three lines of tetrameter and whopping alexandrine bringing up the rear.

I am aware of irregular line lengths in iambic pentameter, but I've never heard of irregular iambic pentameter.

If you could point me to some reading material I'd appreciate it.  Maggie



Dazzled on a ladder, Wendy Hiller
is seduced from proper English straitness
by a good old-fashioned Scottish ceilidh,
but this is not Kiloran, and it isn't Caithness.

That's a very good thought about Wendy, Rick. I must get her down off that ladder.

Aha! Irregular line lengths in iambic pentameter. That must be what I meant.

Nope, I'm not getting tetrameter, and certainly no alexandrine, Maggie, but I agree that it all depends on how you say it. One of these days I'll get around to recording some of these things.

Cheers both

David

The scene is vivid, David, visually and orally. Like Rick, I wondered what happened to Wendy.

milner

First, enjoyed.

Second, I wondered if, in penultimate stanza, the 'softly' were relocated from end rhyme scheme with 'deftly' of L2 and inserted before 'chanted' -- -- I wondered if the internalized sound would still work, if the natural order of adverb/verb would further naturalize the setting/imagery/music/grace of this poem?  It seems as if I recall Edna St. Vincent-Millay used to add quirks to what might be expected ... just a thought.