night kills the day
with bloody scimitar

there’s no sure promise
of birdsong
in the dawning

    sniff the dark
    air
    for the remnants
    of life

    for the smoke
    unseen

    taste
    discarded lips

    feel
    the snake’s skin

try
a smile



* ‘and the taste of Death’s kiss was all chocolate and ashes’
                                                                           Todd Moore

Thanls, SL. made some slight mods by using italics in one section - no real reason, just a sort of instinct.

milner

I like the tumbling of imagery and the undercurrent of energy and tension here. Nice work.

mucho gusto!

tiko

Thanks, April, and welcome.

Your gusto is my gusto, Tiko, gracias.

milner

milner i like many aspects of this piece, from the birdsong to 'trying a smile'.  didn't read it before the italics but they add a certain distance from the action in a good way, almost evaluating.  i wonder about that 'sure promise' and if sure is needed, seems to echo the notion of promise and certainty.  S3 a favorite milner.  lawrence

great opening lines milner with an "in your face approach" that was well enjoyed

regards

james

The last L reads best to me, Milner, if I see it as taking up where L5 leaves off, as the italics in between indicate. But until now, I've read it as continuing from  "snake's skin". I don't know your intention, but if you want the L5 to L16 pipeline to be strong, maybe a small indent also of italics would strengthen it. Tom

Thanks, Lawrence, James.

Good thinking, Tom, tis done. Since I've been working with this style it seems my mind hasn't been open enough to variations. Gracias, danke, merci, tak, etc

Cheers

milner

Thanks for the bump, Tiko. Your appreciation much valued.

milner