cedar shore-birds
feather oars

overhead
mallards thrumming

such detail, with so few brushstrokes

love this, ken


Stella

Stella,

You are a wonderfully appreciative audience! Speaking of a few brushstrokes,
do you know Whistler's tiny watercolors, maybe 10" by 3"--they are the finest
minimalist watercolors I know; I think the Phillips Collection in DC has some. They're
worth the price  of admission.

                                                 Ken

                           

love the cedar-sided water birds.

not as in love with 'paired' in the gorgeous end S -- but wha'do'i'know?

ld

plenty! would "two" be better Lynn?

or "dual"

?

Thanks Michelle. I know what you both mean but
they do zip by in pairs--I have to fiddle a little more.
In myy mind's eye they're flying opposite to the sculls.

mated - twinned - matched - parallel? Any help?

Lavonne,

My pruning is ruining! Help!!
This was the unkindest cut
of all.

                 Ken

Why not work with the word Thrum instead of its infinitive?  Also, sometimes a detail - however true isn't necessary to the poem. Do we need to know the mallards are paired? 

I do like the alliteration in the first S. Can it be repeated in the second? If it is important that the mallards be paired, perhaps 'mated mallards' would work for you.

This is a poem of comparison, so if it were me, I'd make the two S mirror each other in structure.

Cedar-sided shore-birds
feather oars--

overhead, mallards
thrum.

i like the thrum in place of thrumming; and i like the current version pretty well.  [for people who've watched mallards in paired flight, the vision will be there with or without the pairing; for people who haven't, ah, well ...]

ld

dear Ken

i would like to see the original once again.

silent lotus

LOL

yeah, I don't think duals is a word.....(as in a group of twos/pairs?? no, probably not - definately not - I checked)

watching the changes with much interest Ken - Michelle

solid write for me, Ken.

tiko

I.m about to duck out of this one!
Lavonne--you did it! Tiko-merci.
SL:

             Cedar-sided water-birds
             fly by--

             overhead, paired mallards
             thrumming sky. 

SL--which version do you swim with?

Excellent, Ken. I preferred 'thrummimg' as it had more of a faint sound, and also more movement, for me, to go with the oar blades.

milner

Milner,

I agree--thrumming has both more movement
and onomatopoeia. Thanks for looking in.

                                 Ken

I really like this wording, Ken. Punctuation -- hyphen, dash, two periods -- seems excessive somehow. Tom

Well me too now that you
mention it thanks tom ken

~

Sculls On The Charles

Cedar shore-birds
feather oars

overhead
mallards thrumming

~
Dear Ken
this is the version that brings me the most smiles
silent lotus

Thank you SL! Bonjour!

                    Ken

Sculls On The Charles

Cedar shore-birds
feather oars

overhead
mallards thrumming

And I am  right there in the moment. Lovely.  Maggie

What a nice voice to hear!!!Given the dismal state of our team
and the nauseous re-acquisition of Damon, it  is sheer pleasure to hear from where-have-you-been Maggie. It's
time for a party, a reunion or some such rag-time event.
Give me a call for auld lange syne (860-233-1554)

Will do that very thing. How's your Thursday looking?

Thursday night after 8 looks AOK

Gliding along through Submits, I found this lovely and decided a move was in order.

Lynn,

As always, thruming with you
is a pleasure!

                        Ken

Ah, my week for Featured Work choice -- and, trust me, this hasn't been easy. 

My top favorites include: Swimming With Whales (milner place), Abby (Pam Scobie), In The Churchyard (David C. Man), Staring At A Paperclip (bear stansberger), Poem From Quentin/Getting The News From Poems (quentin kirk), Fallen (cheryl leverette) -- to name only a few.

So why this choice, over the others, I ask myself.  Because of its peace.  Because of its quiet.  Because of its title which situates me on a river I've never seen, never fished, never smelled.  Because of the way the work places a hand-worked craft to glide with grace in the briefest of ways (3 1/2, 4 words!) and gives imagination wings.  Because of the way my spirit lifts with the mallards overhead, how the air moves, and how I can hear/feel it.

Cedar shore-birds
feather oars

overhead
mallards thrumming


An honor for me to send this one up another notch. 

lynn

Lynn,

Thank you for your pick and for your appreciation of
the scene. When I lived in Boston, twenty-some yrs
ago, I would change my route home in order to catch
the sculls, sun glancing off their hulls, sweeping west
on the river. I think Eakins' rowing pictures are some
of our best paintings. Anyway, it's timeless and full of
grace. Thank you for appreciating it!

                                                      Ken

Congrats, Ken! Tom

congrats, Ken. 

tiko

congratulations!
well deserved, ken
so pleased to log in and see this piece on the Front Page

Stella

Bravo!

Tom, Tiko, Stella and Lavonne,

I appreciate your fandom, particularly
since this little piece was a team effort!

                        Ken

don't know if anyone else cares, but the capital "C" at start distracts me a bit in this poem otherwise devoid of punctuation

I'd not seen this little  gem till now...thanks Ken and thanks Lynn.

Thank you, Sue!

                 Ken

Ken, I'm enjoying my visits to this as I enter PC.

 - M

Michele,

I'm delighted that you are!

                         Ken

the soundboxes everywhere, including echoed "skull", very elegant.

Yes. Yes. And yes.

Tom and Maggie--

Thanks for your sound-waves on the Charles!


                                         Ken