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« PoetryCircle • The Writing • Front page • Archive 2010 • Topic: Sculls on the Charles »
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  Sculls on the Charles
« on: August 20, 2010, 04:25:19 AM » by Ken Robson
cedar shore-birds
feather oars

overhead
mallards thrumming
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The craft of angling is catching fish. The art of angling is a
receptiveness to those connections, the art of letting one
thing lead to another until, if only locally and momentarily,
you realize some small completeness.

                                  Ted Leeson
  Re: Sculls on the Charles
« Reply #1 on: August 20, 2010, 10:56:17 AM » by StellaR



such detail, with so few brushstrokes

love this, ken


Stella
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“Logical argument is what destroys poetry because poetry is beyond logic.” Robert Graves
  Re: Sculls on the Charles
« Reply #2 on: August 20, 2010, 11:51:05 AM » by Ken Robson
Stella,

You are a wonderfully appreciative audience! Speaking of a few brushstrokes,
do you know Whistler's tiny watercolors, maybe 10" by 3"--they are the finest
minimalist watercolors I know; I think the Phillips Collection in DC has some. They're
worth the price  of admission.

                                                 Ken

                           
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The craft of angling is catching fish. The art of angling is a
receptiveness to those connections, the art of letting one
thing lead to another until, if only locally and momentarily,
you realize some small completeness.

                                  Ted Leeson
  Re: Sculls on the Charles
« Reply #3 on: August 20, 2010, 02:21:08 PM » by Lynn Doiron
love the cedar-sided water birds.

not as in love with 'paired' in the gorgeous end S -- but wha'do'i'know?

ld
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My blogs:
http://lwww.lynndoiron.wordpress.com for memoir/journal/poetry
  Re: Sculls on the Charles
« Reply #4 on: August 20, 2010, 06:28:33 PM » by Ken Robson
plenty! would "two" be better Lynn?
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The craft of angling is catching fish. The art of angling is a
receptiveness to those connections, the art of letting one
thing lead to another until, if only locally and momentarily,
you realize some small completeness.

                                  Ted Leeson
  Re: Sculls on the Charles
« Reply #5 on: August 20, 2010, 08:28:17 PM » by MichelleBethCronk
or "dual"

?
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  Re: Sculls on the Charles
« Reply #6 on: August 20, 2010, 08:35:02 PM » by Ken Robson
Thanks Michelle. I know what you both mean but
they do zip by in pairs--I have to fiddle a little more.
In myy mind's eye they're flying opposite to the sculls.
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The craft of angling is catching fish. The art of angling is a
receptiveness to those connections, the art of letting one
thing lead to another until, if only locally and momentarily,
you realize some small completeness.

                                  Ted Leeson
  Re: Sculls on the Charles
« Reply #7 on: August 20, 2010, 09:06:19 PM » by Lavonne Westbrooks
mated - twinned - matched - parallel? Any help?
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  Re: Sculls on the Charles
« Reply #8 on: August 20, 2010, 09:20:55 PM » by Ken Robson
Lavonne,

My pruning is ruining! Help!!
This was the unkindest cut
of all.

                 Ken
Logged

The craft of angling is catching fish. The art of angling is a
receptiveness to those connections, the art of letting one
thing lead to another until, if only locally and momentarily,
you realize some small completeness.

                                  Ted Leeson
  Re: Sculls on the Charles
« Reply #9 on: August 20, 2010, 09:34:30 PM » by Lavonne Westbrooks
Why not work with the word Thrum instead of its infinitive?  Also, sometimes a detail - however true isn't necessary to the poem. Do we need to know the mallards are paired? 

I do like the alliteration in the first S. Can it be repeated in the second? If it is important that the mallards be paired, perhaps 'mated mallards' would work for you.

This is a poem of comparison, so if it were me, I'd make the two S mirror each other in structure.

Cedar-sided shore-birds
feather oars--

overhead, mallards
thrum.





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  Re: Sculls on the Charles
« Reply #10 on: August 20, 2010, 09:53:47 PM » by Lynn Doiron
i like the thrum in place of thrumming; and i like the current version pretty well.  [for people who've watched mallards in paired flight, the vision will be there with or without the pairing; for people who haven't, ah, well ...]

ld
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My blogs:
http://lwww.lynndoiron.wordpress.com for memoir/journal/poetry
  Re: Sculls on the Charles
« Reply #11 on: August 20, 2010, 10:20:24 PM » by silent lotus
dear Ken

i would like to see the original once again.

silent lotus
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  Re: Sculls on the Charles
« Reply #12 on: August 21, 2010, 12:09:24 AM » by MichelleBethCronk
LOL

yeah, I don't think duals is a word.....(as in a group of twos/pairs?? no, probably not - definately not - I checked)

watching the changes with much interest Ken - Michelle
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  Re: Sculls on the Charles
« Reply #13 on: August 21, 2010, 01:45:50 AM » by Tiko Lewis
solid write for me, Ken.

tiko
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...i don't eat jelly beans afterward.
  Re: Sculls on the Charles
« Reply #14 on: August 21, 2010, 02:48:48 AM » by Ken Robson
I.m about to duck out of this one!
Lavonne--you did it! Tiko-merci.
SL:

             Cedar-sided water-birds
             fly by--

             overhead, paired mallards
             thrumming sky. 
Logged

The craft of angling is catching fish. The art of angling is a
receptiveness to those connections, the art of letting one
thing lead to another until, if only locally and momentarily,
you realize some small completeness.

                                  Ted Leeson
 (Read 3524 times) [1] 2 3  All
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