Thanks, Lynn.

'For me, there may be a little push to the wording that seems maybe poeticized'

I believe that most of the 'push' came when I was revising the first draft and concentrating on sound. This raises an interesting point in that today, maybe, there is more of a conflict between on the page and the oral aspect of poetry. In previous eras poetry was much more frequently read aloud to audiences, and, of course, Shakespeare's work with its marvellous sonourness was written for the stage. The question, in this case, for me, is can I rewrite the poem with such skill as to satisfy fully both the 'on the page' and 'oral delivery' of the poem. Further thought required.

Your bow returned, Rashmi. I wear no ring.

Cheers

milner

Interesting to read something of your process, here Milner. 

Thanks, Sue. As my own preference is for poetry in which the sound is integral, that element is important. But that is no rule for others, only consistent with my own tastes, which react positively to poetry with both intellectual and emotional content, and, for me, the sound can be so important.

Sorry I'm remiss with comment on others' work at the moment - very busy.

milner

the last stanza, simply sublime

Thanks, James. Having read your recent post I was tempted to use 'baobabs' instead of 'oaks' - but one syllable suits the rhythm better. Near 60 years ago I was working in a copper mine, in the Northern Transvaal, and the low veldt was dotted with those strange stark shapes. The fun came with the annual rains, when suddenly they donned green hats and briefly looked like fat duchesses at a race meeting. Thanks for the memory.

Cheers

milner

I really enjoyed this, Mil, but it got a little wordy. Made some chops to tighten.  Maggie

i will not
write
of war

that bestiality
of man

for death
squats
on my shoulder
so * So seems so..., Mil. What about instead?
instead

i’ll sing of spring
of a summer’s lust
for sun
to cast its cyclops eye
on fecund
of poppie buds

that will never know
the thunder
spouted
from bewildered
guns

i’ll miracle
the rain
to wine
until the fall
of night

brings out
the bats
to flirt
with shooting stars

fireflies
go waltzing
into hush
of oaks

Thanks, Maggie, I've made some changes as you suggest. I've stuck with 'so' for reasons of sound, and also if that stanza is taken on its own it carries a different reading there. I've also kept 'bewildered' because to me it evokes the seemingly shocked reaction of the guns in recoil.

Most useful - thanks again.

milner