Thanks, Lynn. I might cut there and just have "Is owt you want?" which scans better.

Pam

Hi Pam.  this is very fine.  Much enjoyed and twinged at the description of Abby's neediness.  All show no tell.  Excellent.

Two edit thoughts, Pam, rereading this fine poem: "that's what" before "she said" sounds odd, and here:

He, tickled pink, resisting, could not see
It was her only currency.
I, anxious for my own survival,
Recognized only hunger for approval.

the first half of the S suggests it was her only currency, the 2nd half that it wasn't, so what's going on in this S is a bit murky to me.

Tom

Hi Tom. I wondered whether to remove the couplet about making a meal and going to bed altogether. It was her only currency... hunger for approval. What I'm trying to say is that all she wants is approval and going to bed with people is what she's been programmed to think is the only way to get it. Not clear enough. I'll have a think. Thanks!

Hi, Sue. Thanks! The poor lass is currently having a rest in a hospital in Leeds....

Pam

Pam, I wouldn't remove it. This part - "anxious for my own survival" - adds a lot. The S is about N's marriage, but what it's saying could be clarified maybe. Tom

I see Tom's point, but I like the murky clarity.

Thanks, Tom, thanks, Lynn. I wonder if skipping the second "only" would do the trick.

He, tickled pink, resisting, could not see
It was her only currency.
I, anxious for my own survival,
Recognized hunger for approval.

Better?

Yes, I think so, Pam--removes that confusion and clarifies/deepens the characterization of the N. Tom

Thanks, Tom, thanks, everyone. I think between us, we've got it sussed.
Pam

Thanks, Quentin. I'm looking forward to reading your work.

Pam