In the summer woods
stands a bear in
his long brown coat.  

He knows who he
is, but not who
you are, and
is considering
what to do next.

Hi Rick, I am struggling a bit on this one. "woods stands" is throwing me also not sure the line breaks isn't adding the confusion or the punctuation, perhaps a comma after himself? wish the title also did a little more -

Rick, I like this. You leave me ticking off all the things he might be wondering about. TOm

Casey,

I wasn't happy about the title.  Got another one (with a buried pun).  I might have been using the line breaks to artificially jazz the rhythm.  If you break the lines right at phrase breaks, it's pretty dull:

In the summer woods
stands a bear
in his long brown coat. 
To himself
he is a person
and he's wondering
about you.


Will try something else.  See above.  Thanks for all your perspicacity.

Rick

like the new title
and the poem had
me sitting next to
Tom trying to
determine what the
bear was thinking.

enjoyed.

tiko

The interesting thing to me about the bear mind (esp. brown bears and griz) is that it pilots such a powerful bod.

Love this counterpoise, Rick, brilliant.

milner

Rick~ I find bears terrifying and intriguing. Your poem, while it does not scare me, does intrigue.
Clever!
~Dale

Thanks, Milner, thanks, Dale.  What's interesting is that if you read about bears, you will read all kinds of contradictory advice backed by solid experience.  The moment of encounter is really an open moment.  

Rick

Rick,  much enjoyed this and the new title is great.

Wondering what would happen if you dropped the definite article in l1.... to my ear it opens a whole new wood and bear.

k

Kevin, I took it out, but then the two "in"s rang a bit too loudly in my ear.

Love the opening S.  And where this goes. 

ld

Lynn,

You hit the nail on the head.  I made some other changes, too.  I realized that the power of the poem lies in the poised power of the bear, and it was too understande before.

Thanks!

Rick

I would add an is ( as in)

and is considering


I like the morphing of this one

M

Yes, that would be good here too. Tom

Cronk and Tom,

"Is" added.  Better?

Bear

i like the addition of 'is' ...

ld

Yes

What a contemplative bear...

Cronk

i would like to give the bear a wider berth:

In the summer woods
stands a bear dressed
in his long brown coat

who knows who he is
but not who you are
& is contemplating his
next move.

 

Cusp
 

In the summer woods
stands a bear in
his long brown coat. 

He knows who he
is, but not who
you are, and
is considering
what to do next.


Rick Stansberger


dear Rick

i am enjoying this &
at the same time wondering how it would be if the bear was a she.

silent lotus

Good question, Silent.  This one for some reason was male.  Cubs/no cubs enter into the female decision making process.  They don't with males.

I slowed down the time.  It's a split of a split of a second, or until the bear gets a good whiff, scent being a vital component in bear thought.

liked this one a lot Rick. It leaves the reader wanting more, but in the good sense. Bears are such strange creatures, looking so cuddly and friendly yet can be very dangerous.

Thanks, Mikael.  Yes, they can be a paradox.

Late to this and I love it.  time for it to climb!

Thanks, Sue, very kind of you.

Rick