I’ve congregated ampersands to stand
for all the stammers hammered on my tongue
throughout this life.  But maybe I’ll command,
God willing, in the next, another lung

that I may breathe between the words some space
& say & say & say & —damn! —enough!
(One word just reached its rigor in my face
as if my minim’s seven hundred ums.)

A wind—uninterrupted—forms strict laws,
but a stutter is a style all its own.
It makes my fragments independent clauses:
She gave.  She made.  I sought.  She set.  I owe.

O! transitives with no objects in line—
& all these &s in lieu of someone mine.   



(The final couplet's been a wrinkle for me--any ideas?)

Eric, The craft in this is overwhelming. There is a kind of impertinence with the form and its subject--extraordinary.


What if:

O! transitives, stripped of what should follow
& all these &s in a cancerous row.


larry

off the tip of my tongue  ;)

O! transitives with no objects in line—
& all these &s in lieu of one that's mine.   


But its hard to enter into such a delightful tangle of word (especially read aloud) and find the right ones to add or change....

Great poem.  xo Michelle

Sorry, but I like your final couplet.  No wrinkle in my read.  The "someone" gives juice to the stammering, the fragments and frustration. 

This one needs to be moved up.  Fine write.  ld

Eric E.:

Greetings.  This piece breathes beautifully, albeit wholly belied by the brittle tongued speaker ;)

You had to know CEO would love it; indeed, she does.  As I am on the move, my comments (vis a vis detail(s)) shall follow when convenience completely permits.  In the meantime, suffice it to say, very well done.

Take care.

Carol Elizabeth

This extraordinary sonnet disappeared for awhile because this dolt clicked the wrong thing.

Sorry about that Eric...

larry

Eric E.:

I've returned (as promised).  To love about this piece is its dealings with the "stammering tongue" along lines peppered with "ampersand" references -- a sense of repetition akin to that person's strained efforts to make the words roll off, as it were.

Two lines are slightly technically challenged:

"but a stutter is a style all its own."
[trochaic, rather than iambic, on the lead; but can be adjusted (if desired, of course)]

"It makes my fragments independent clauses:"
['clauses' runs this one over a step ;)  ]

[L14 holds an overflow, too.  The crux of the closing couplet is fine, though.]

The poem, however, clearly does not suffer in view of these minor twists on 'sonnet rhythm'.  As noted earlier, very nicely done.

Take care.

Carol Elizabeth

Nice sonnet, first stanza particularly striking. Don't see a problem with the final couplet, but each ear follows its own pitch.

Thanks for the read.

D

Thanks to those for ideas about the final couplet.  In re: trochaic foot and extra syllable pointed to be CEO--given the subject matter, I thought to break the regularity made sense...

Thanks to all for the comments!

Eric E.:

That's cool....

CEO

Every line is a dish. Just saying the words sets me saliva flowing. If I were 14 again, I'd choose this as my "party piece".

One tiny detail that I like is that the first and last words are You.

Excellent Eric! I read this several times...but not fast hehe...a tongue twister.
Nicole

I was charged this week with selecting the Front Page work. A poem of yours, Eric, was already adorning the front page, but when I read this (for the first time, as it happens), I knew I had to make you the first two-weeks-in-a-row kid. What I love about this piece is how it ends on a poignant note.

you're sitting on the front porch steps again.......such a great read & unique voice.  Glad Jay decided for a double...

xo Michelle