The Artist as a Young God

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The Artist as a Young God
« on: June 30, 2010, 06:12:42 AM » by rashmi

o
to be an artist
glorified
romanticized
immortalized:

a cult figure

....young
good looking

and dead.

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Re: The Artist as a Young God
« Reply #1 on: June 30, 2010, 07:40:34 AM » by Peter.R

:D

Nice one, Rashmi

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Re: The Artist as a Young God
« Reply #2 on: June 30, 2010, 08:33:22 AM » by Tiko Lewis

very nice one. enjoyed.

also like the layout without the ellipses.

tiko

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...i don't eat jelly beans afterward.

Re: The Artist as a Young God
« Reply #3 on: June 30, 2010, 09:45:03 AM » by Tom Riordan

Very nice, Rashmi. I have some urges to simplify layout...Tom

o
to be an artist
glorified
romanticized
immortalized

a cult figure
....young
good looking
dead

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Re: The Artist as a Young God
« Reply #4 on: June 30, 2010, 09:51:33 AM » by Peter.R

Tom, I think dead needs the and before it & to be double spaced down to give it that pause for the denouement, highlight the wryness

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Re: The Artist as a Young God
« Reply #5 on: July 07, 2010, 07:32:52 AM » by rashmi

thanks peter! that was fun! who's going to win today? the octopuss says spain!

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Re: The Artist as a Young God
« Reply #6 on: July 07, 2010, 07:34:58 AM » by rashmi

thanks tiko & tom - yes peter is right - that cult figure needs to hang! for the sins of man to become god!

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Re: The Artist as a Young God
« Reply #7 on: July 07, 2010, 10:27:33 AM » by milner place

Excellent, Rashmi. The subject of posthumous fame is ever intriguing, but I can restrain my impatience to know the answer! (In my opinion, there's no way I'll ever know)

Cheers

milner

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'Caminante, no hay camino,
se hace camino al andar'
- Antonio Machado

Latest book 'naked invitation' $15 or £10, p&p inc milnerplace@msn.com

Re: The Artist as a Young God
« Reply #8 on: July 07, 2010, 09:58:34 PM » by Rick Stansberger

Bang. Right between the eyes.

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Rick's fifth book is out: Gizmo--love, loss and the passion to know--in the first part of the last century.

Re: The Artist as a Young God
« Reply #9 on: July 08, 2010, 12:23:38 AM » by silent lotus

dear Rashmi

If time is an illusion there is no Young or Old

No young God or Old God

No young soul or old soul

yes smiles do exist

silent lotus

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Re: The Artist as a Young God
« Reply #10 on: July 13, 2010, 10:11:48 PM » by Tiko Lewis

this is a pick for me.

tiko

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...i don't eat jelly beans afterward.

Re: The Artist as a Young God
« Reply #11 on: July 13, 2010, 11:22:35 PM » by Scott Douglas

yes, a conundrum

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Re: The Artist as a Young God
« Reply #12 on: July 14, 2010, 06:10:21 AM » by rashmi

thanks for the pick guys - great honor - really thrilled!

this was inspired by a book about artists who died young - shelly, keats, byron, hart crane, stephen crane, janis joplin, jim morrison, james dean etc etc.

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Re: The Artist as a Young God
« Reply #13 on: July 14, 2010, 06:12:55 AM » by rashmi

thanks milner! as lotus says there is no young or old

& good looking you are! perhaps you might even know!

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Re: The Artist as a Young God
« Reply #14 on: July 14, 2010, 06:17:19 AM » by rashmi

thank you so much tiko & scott - i'm walking on air!!

o silent one i'm from india & those things are coming out of my ears & hair!

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Re: The Artist as a Young God
« Reply #15 on: July 29, 2010, 07:29:23 AM » by Tiko Lewis

i love the sting of this.
it's a right hook to the lips.

i'm glad to move it to
the front page.

tiko

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...i don't eat jelly beans afterward.

Re: The Artist as a Young God
« Reply #16 on: July 29, 2010, 08:15:25 AM » by Tom Riordan

Congrats, Rashmi! Tom

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Re: The Artist as a Young God
« Reply #17 on: July 29, 2010, 05:32:23 PM » by bodkin

Love this!

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In fifteen minutes everybody famous will be in the future...

Re: The Artist as a Young God
« Reply #18 on: July 29, 2010, 06:30:19 PM » by Jay Dougherty

I suppose I will have to disagree with the majority.

This is far too abstract for my taste. There are not enough details here for me to become involved with this particular artist--and therefore to be moved by what happens to him/her at the end. And if I'm supposed to relate what is said here to "all artists" in a general sense, then the piece strikes me as simply meaningless, for it's clearly not true. There's no "epiphany" here for me to nod my head to, no deep truth that I can see. Is it really just a dittie in which the writer/speaker comes to realize that if his wish were granted, he would be dead? If so, why would that necessarily be true?

And then there's the matter of punctuation--it's randomly used, at best. There's a colon here, an ellipsis there, and if we were going to be strict about punctuation, there are missing commas in several places. Why not just leave all the punctuation out rather than use it haphazardly? You've got line breaks--and line-breaks-and-a-half (at the end)--taking the place of punctuation in most places. Decide--one way or the other--and quit distracting the reader with a bit here and a bit there.

Nevertheless, this site is directed by many different editors with different tastes, and clearly you've won the appreciation of some, so for that congratulations are in order.

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I do not like to write. I like to have written. --Gloria Steinam

Re: The Artist as a Young God
« Reply #19 on: July 29, 2010, 08:34:05 PM » by Tom Riordan

I'll bet there's more in your wastebasket, Jay, than you realize! Myself, I don't see how "O to be...dead" can be quite meaningless, however unsatisfactory the interior lines may seem to you. The echo of Rilke's elegy alone is pretty rich, though he can be frustratingly abstract too. Tom

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Re: The Artist as a Young God
« Reply #20 on: July 29, 2010, 09:51:14 PM » by silent lotus

Quote from: Jay Dougherty on July 29, 2010, 06:30:19 PM

I suppose I will have to disagree with the majority.

This is far too abstract for my taste. There are not enough details here for me to become involved with this particular artist--and therefore to be moved by what happens to him/her at the end. And if I'm supposed to relate what is said here to "all artists" in a general sense, then the piece strikes me as simply meaningless, for it's clearly not true. There's no "epiphany" here for me to nod my head to, no deep truth that I can see. Is it really just a dittie in which the writer/speaker comes to realize that if his wish were granted, he would be dead? If so, why would that necessarily be true?

The piece just doesn't do much for me. Call me the Simon Cowell of PoetryCircle, but this one, had it come from my pen, would be in the waste basket.

And then there's the matter of punctuation--it's randomly used, at best. There's a colon here, an ellipsis there, and if we were going to be strict about punctuation, there are missing commas in several places. Why not just leave all the punctuation out rather than use it haphazardly? You've got line breaks--and line-breaks-and-a-half (at the end)--taking the place of punctuation in most places. Decide--one way or the other--and quit distracting the reader with a bit here and a bit there.

Nevertheless, this site is directed by many different editors with different tastes, and clearly you've won the appreciation of some, so for that congratulations are in order.

dear Jay

i am delighted that you have voiced your opinion
and have enriched the scope of the diversity on the site.

a warm smile
silent lotus

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Re: The Artist as a Young God
« Reply #21 on: July 30, 2010, 01:45:30 AM » by James Carver

simple ,yet effective in its execution.well enjoyed

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Enjoy the fruits of labour but never forget to honour the roots of the tree – James Carver

Re: The Artist as a Young God
« Reply #22 on: July 30, 2010, 03:35:35 AM » by rashmi

sigh! just when i was feeling so great!

i've nothing to say in my defence your honor! guilty as charged! now you can take me to the gallows while lotus smiles his warm smile!

but before that - my last wish...

to thank tom, tiko, bodkin, james & all others for reading not only between but beyond the lines...

but the bottom line is...we all love to be recognized

so thanks a ton guys for the recognition!

now i can die in peace!

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Re: The Artist as a Young God
« Reply #23 on: July 30, 2010, 03:40:02 AM » by rashmi

& i'm still young & good looking!

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Re: The Artist as a Young God
« Reply #24 on: July 30, 2010, 08:11:28 AM » by silent lotus

Quote from: rashmi on July 30, 2010, 03:35:35 AM

dear Rashmi

it is the Authenticity of each member that i wish to see shared
the only consciousness that deserves the gallows is Ambivalence

i have had poems sent to Rejected by editors and there have been editors
who have declared that some of my poems were no more than Hallmark Cards

please be kind enough also to comment with your authenticity
about other poets pens

for me great acknowledgement is when my poems find their way
to the front doors of peoples refrigerators
they remain posted there a lot longer
than any front page

so i send to you indeed warm smiles
and i look forward to your continuing to share your truth

silent lotus

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Re: The Artist as a Young God
« Reply #25 on: August 02, 2010, 06:15:24 AM » by rashmi

for me great acknowledgement is when my poems find their way
to the front doors of peoples refrigerators

you're lucky! mine remain in the cold storage!

there is no issue here - i've nothing against criticism - i'm just enjoying the thrill of appreciation! & fully respecting the authenticity of each member!

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Re: The Artist as a Young God
« Reply #26 on: August 03, 2010, 07:44:23 AM » by StellaR

can't believe I missed commenting on this clever pen, rashmi
it certainly deserves its placement on Front Page

congratulations!

Stella

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“Logical argument is what destroys poetry because poetry is beyond logic.” Robert Graves

Re: The Artist as a Young God
« Reply #27 on: August 03, 2010, 08:35:07 AM » by silent lotus

Quote from: rashmi on August 02, 2010, 06:15:24 AM

dear Rashmi

now you are the lucky one !

it seems that organic produce retains almost all of it's vitamins when frozen !

keep writing and keep your clever pen fresh

font page & back cover congratulations

silent lotus

~~~

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Re: The Artist as a Young God
« Reply #28 on: August 05, 2010, 12:02:08 AM » by Tom Riordan

It's been a pleasure, Rashmi....Tom

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Re: The Artist as a Young God
« Reply #29 on: August 07, 2010, 04:42:41 AM » by rashmi

thanks stella! that's a compliment to be cherished!

tom thanks! the pleasure is all mine!

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