Larvae sprawl in a steam-rise lazy
of monarchs rooting in the warm bristle.
Hear it? The trick-gurgled eyes
bobbing in mosquito stew.
A corral of dawn prods Zenia petals
to suck unscathed silver out of dew
near the centipede
where wrens preen,
and worms flee.

Light is a color band’s
surprise of day as succulence
in a tender shoot
struggles out of the damp,
names itself after Mademoiselle
like a thigh in tight silk
swinging its calf above the docks
to watch the Yellowfins
in bloody nets.

This wows me, Larry. Superb. Gotta go up, but not just yet, so no one misses it.

I'd be tempted to comma after 'damp', then drop the following 'and' in the second stanza. Just a thought.

milner

This is great!
Nicole

Thanks Milner, good catch.

Until I saw you were back on site, today, Lynn, I thought I might have to stand in for you in selecting the featured poem. This was the very poem I had in mind for it!

milner

Well, I've been gone, so I missed it until now.  Thanks for the great selection, Lynn, and Larry, congrats on a luscious write.

D

To my eye and ear the poem gets slogged down with preposition-ing.  So many "in," "out," "of"...  E.g., why not

Light is a color band's
surprise--day as succulent
shoot's struggle through--
a juice named after...       (I exaggerate the condensation here for effect...just to show best what I mean...)

and/or more simply

to watch Yellowfins
bloody the nets.

The poem would just be that much more powerful, I think, without so many prepositions.  The images will become concrete, stedda being so pushed around.  That make sense?

Thanks for the comments and the selection. Depending which side of the morning I roll from, I am drawn to sounds either crisp or mossy. So, Eric I think you've a point and specifically "bloody the nets" trumps the preposition and its sound then shadows some of the others. Yes it makes sense.

larry

I've read this each day for a few now....just had to say It works for me.....love to read it outloud......curious to see if you plan to edit it with Eric's suggestions?  either way.....enjoyable

xo Michelle

dear Larry

your contributions here have been missed

may this new year bring a waterfall of inspiration

a warm smile
silent  lotus

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