I didn't like the play,
but I saw it under adverse conditions.

They didn’t let me
repeat the words of the actors
out loud
to myself
in my pirate voice.

Hamlet barely sees
his father’s ghost
when the stage manager
comes to me,
says,
“Excuse me.
You sir.
You must be quiet.
You’re causing a disturbance.”

I tell him the honest truth of the matter.
“I like it when
people tell stories
pretending to be
other people in a story,
but I like
their stories
better
when I
tell them to myself,
and my favorite stories
have always been
pirate stories.”

He tells me I can choose
to remain quiet
or to leave.

I tell him,
“All I know is that
your young theater intern,
who came on before the play,
ONLY told us
to turn off cells phones and beepers,
that no photography or recording of
any kind was permitted,
and that if we had any throat drops or hard candies,
we should unwrap them now.
That’s it."

"She gave no specific prohibition,
and most certainly did not say,
‘reciting the play to yourself
out loud
in a pirate voice
is strictly forbidden.’”

He escorts me to the ticket booth
and gives me a refund.

I consider using it to go to the other theatre.
They call it the “Active Theatre.”
You’re encouraged to do
whatever you want in the audience.
Everyone there is
playing the banjo
building picnic benches
wrestling their dates into submission holds
flying radio-controlled helicopters
playing charades.

In different sections of the audience
there are often
workshops on beading or
home repair
lectures on Heidegger
archery lessons
protests about foie gras.

They also have a great tradition of
everyone constantly yelling “Fire!”

Occasionally someone will
jump onto the stage
from a side balcony box
shouting,
“Sic semper tyrannis!”
but it's a long jump -
and they always break a limb.

And the show just goes on
until the lights come up
and they flood the theatre,
at which time it’s also tradition
for everyone to cry out,
“Man the lifeboats!”
and everyone goes off,
in a surprisingly very orderly fashion,
to drink off their night
at the theater.

I like the concept of the “Active Theatre,”
but because most all of their plays
are just nude men on stage being statues
without any dialogue,
I rarely go,
as these plays don’t make
for very good pirate stories.

Delightfully loony.

Rick

This was alot of fun!  I didn't notice anything to change on the first run-through - Michelle

now that was fun!  great story and great structure.


t_f

What absolute great fun this is to read!

what a delightful read

julie

Thanks everybody! I'm glad you liked it.

@silent lotus - That's so great!

I need to pick this - Michelle

I stopped going to ballet for a similar reason.
Good read, thanks!

Thanks Michelle!

what a ride! awesome!

Deliciously funny

Pam

I hoped I would get the chance to pick this. There is such a deceptive character to its narrative, the consistent voice, its clever use of pirate as a trope with several inferences to the narrative. There is a veiled inference of the conflict between writer / reader. Quite a fun and satisfying read.

larry

I love the curved space you've included me in.
Excellent.

 

Great front page pick - great poem....

love it - M

Well done, Thomas, well selected, Larry.

milner

Brilliant pick for FP!

A great read all over again! 

Glad to see this on Front page.

Many fave parts but this is the top fave:

Occasionally someone will
jump onto the stage
from a side balcony box
shouting,
“Sic semper tyrannis!”
but it's a long jump -
and they always break a limb.

The only word for it is delightful.  I should have said it the first time I read it and I have read it many times. You know, my mood actually determines whether the read is sad or happy or somewhere in between.  

Just delightful.

I think I'll change my facebook language to Pirate English in honor of your poem!

Really enjoyed this poem - Very fun!

standing ovation!
and I'll hand you a hat in case you have to cover any pirate parts when you take your bows



love it
Stella

Great poem Great front page pick great comments.  Missed this first time round...love it

Reminds me of a bumper sticker I saw:

To Err is human.
To Arr is pirate.

Did the car have NC plates?  I heard a lot of Arrs while in Raleigh ;)

.

Wow! Thanks so much to everyone for the terrific response. I'm honored it was selected as a Featured Work and really glad you enjoyed it!