precarious thread

PoetryCircle

ContemporaryPoetryForum

Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.

« PoetryCircle • The Writing • Journalese • Topic: precarious thread »

ThreadTools

(Read 1860 times) 1 2 3 [All]

precarious thread
« on: May 09, 2010, 10:09:13 AM » by Tom Riordan

jump, then look.it's asurpriseparty.h-a-appydeathday

(cheryl) o my heavens this is a bit overly surprising

push open the doorjump into the dark thenlook. it'san octet of tadpoles

(doris) princess in Clumsy Hans can't find a full grown frog to kiss

push open the doorjump into the dark thentry not tolook disappointed

(tiko) gives tadpoles areasonfor frowns on blankfaces

pushopen jumpingtadpoles.a particularly labile effort

(doris) sinking feeling in the morning finding tadpoles dead

Logged

Re: jump,
« Reply #1 on: May 09, 2010, 10:19:34 AM » by jamesthomashoward

bleak, tom. I get a faulty parachute scenario.

Logged

Cough.

push
« Reply #2 on: May 09, 2010, 10:27:37 AM » by Tom Riordan

James, thank you. Revised. Tom

Quote from: Tom Riordan on May 09, 2010, 10:09:13 AM

jump,







   then
   look.



it's a
surprise
party.



h-a-appy
deathday!

Logged

Re: push
« Reply #3 on: May 09, 2010, 11:23:07 AM » by cherylleverette

o my heavens. this is a bit overly surprising with the 'death' party. are you ok, today, Tom?

Logged

A poet dares be just so clear and no clearer.... He unzips the veil from beauty, but does not remove it. A poet utterly clear is a trifle glaring. ~E.B. White

Re: push
« Reply #4 on: May 09, 2010, 11:41:07 AM » by Tom Riordan

"a bit overly surprising" - I like that phrase, Cheryl. Why would I be okay today? LOL. Tom

Logged

Re: push
« Reply #5 on: May 09, 2010, 12:11:02 PM » by cherylleverette

cause you're always ok.

Logged

A poet dares be just so clear and no clearer.... He unzips the veil from beauty, but does not remove it. A poet utterly clear is a trifle glaring. ~E.B. White

Re: push
« Reply #6 on: May 09, 2010, 05:04:38 PM » by cherylleverette

Just figured this one out. You woke up this morning, realized it was Mother's Day and your mom is 'Mommie Dearest' or maybe your wife is, and you forgot it was Mother's Day. Oh no!

lol

Just kidding of course.

Logged

A poet dares be just so clear and no clearer.... He unzips the veil from beauty, but does not remove it. A poet utterly clear is a trifle glaring. ~E.B. White

Re: push
« Reply #7 on: May 15, 2010, 08:38:32 AM » by Tom Riordan

Quote from: Tom Riordan on May 09, 2010, 10:09:13 AM


push


   open
   the door



jump



   into
   the dark
   

    then




look



   it's a surprise party

Logged

Re: push
« Reply #8 on: May 15, 2010, 01:31:01 PM » by cherylleverette

tadpoles ... don't know about this, unless you are wishing unpleasantness upon the jumper. just think how slimy and slithering a swarm of tadpoles would be.

Logged

A poet dares be just so clear and no clearer.... He unzips the veil from beauty, but does not remove it. A poet utterly clear is a trifle glaring. ~E.B. White

Re: push
« Reply #9 on: May 15, 2010, 02:48:17 PM » by Tom Riordan

Yes. well, as is evident by this point, this is a particularly labile effort! We'll see where it takes me. Tom

Logged

Re: push
« Reply #10 on: May 15, 2010, 06:07:15 PM » by cherylleverette

labile -- prone to chemical change. new word. thanks. very cool idea. lessee what can it change to next? wouldn't it be interesting if you could somehow show that?

Logged

A poet dares be just so clear and no clearer.... He unzips the veil from beauty, but does not remove it. A poet utterly clear is a trifle glaring. ~E.B. White

Re: push
« Reply #11 on: May 15, 2010, 10:24:26 PM » by Tom Riordan

well, that's definitely an idea to think about. thanks, C. Tom

Logged

Re: push
« Reply #12 on: May 16, 2010, 08:00:36 AM » by Doris Chance

I get Clumsy Hans' princess who can't even find a fully grown frog to kiss... Ish. Enjoyed.

Logged

Yes. I don't read poetry.

Re: push
« Reply #13 on: May 16, 2010, 08:50:07 AM » by Tom Riordan

Funny, Doris. Who knows? Thanks for peek. Tom

Logged

Re: push
« Reply #14 on: May 16, 2010, 10:37:22 PM » by Tom Riordan

Quote from: Tom Riordan on May 09, 2010, 10:09:13 AM


push


   open
   the sky



jump



   into
   the dark
   



look



   a surprise
                party of
                tadpoles

Logged

Re: push
« Reply #15 on: May 17, 2010, 06:10:34 AM » by milner place

Love the idea of a universe swimmimg with 'tadpoles', Tom, and going down that line of thought, preferred a 'party' to a 'jury'.

milner

.

Logged

'Caminante, no hay camino,
se hace camino al andar'
- Antonio Machado

Latest book 'naked invitation' $15 or £10, p&p inc milnerplace@msn.com

Re: push
« Reply #16 on: May 17, 2010, 06:21:39 AM » by Lavonne Westbrooks

Each version said something completely different to me. I liked the first one best. Darker, less obvious.

Logged

Re: push
« Reply #17 on: May 17, 2010, 08:17:27 AM » by Tom Riordan

thanks Milner & Lavonne, for your ideas. I'm going to try fasting and a headstand for 12 hours today to try to clarify my mind on this one. Tom

Logged

Re: push
« Reply #18 on: May 17, 2010, 09:36:15 AM » by Tiko Lewis

Tom,

i like the current version very much.
i think jury is a better word than party.
it gives the tadpoles some purpose,
at least to me.

thanks,

tiko

Logged

...i don't eat jelly beans afterward.

Re: push
« Reply #19 on: May 17, 2010, 09:37:35 AM » by Tom Riordan

"The prospect of purposeless tadpoles...: LOL. Thanks, Tiko. Tom

Logged

Re: push
« Reply #20 on: May 17, 2010, 09:40:02 AM » by Tiko Lewis

well, party just seemed so generic. a jury of tadpoles, you can almost imagine them
with frowns drawn on their blank faces.

tiko

Logged

...i don't eat jelly beans afterward.

Re: push
« Reply #21 on: May 17, 2010, 09:48:19 AM » by Doris Chance

With jury I get that sinking feeling of entering the kindergarten on a Monday morning and finding the tadpoles dead. A traditional rite of passage, I think?

Logged

Yes. I don't read poetry.

Re: push
« Reply #22 on: May 17, 2010, 09:52:21 AM » by Tom Riordan

The replies are better poems than the orig. I am probably going to end up stringing them together! What would that be, a cento of some sort?

Logged

Re: push
« Reply #23 on: May 17, 2010, 10:41:48 AM » by Doris Chance

Thanks for the word cento. So I wouldn't entirely know. Or you could call it 'readymade'; a poem with some of all possible interpretations delivered on a platter?

Logged

Yes. I don't read poetry.

Re: push
« Reply #24 on: May 17, 2010, 10:46:02 AM » by Tom Riordan

precarious tadpole thread

jump, then look.it's asurpriseparty.h-a-appydeathday

by Cheryl Leverette

o my heavens. this is a bit overly surprising with the 'death' party

push open the doorjump into the dark thenlook it's a surprise party
of tadpoles

labile effort

by Doris Chance

Clumsy Hans' princess can't even find a fully grown frog to kiss... Ish

push open the doorjump into the dark thenlook it's a jury of tadpoles

by Tiko Lewis

gives the tadpoles some purpose. frowns on blank faces

by Doris Chance

sinking feeling, kindergarten on Monday morning finding the tadpoles dead

Logged

Re: push
« Reply #25 on: May 17, 2010, 10:49:26 AM » by Doris Chance

LOL. Quite tempted to do a Burroughs and play a game of cut and paste.

Logged

Yes. I don't read poetry.

Re: push
« Reply #26 on: May 17, 2010, 11:02:23 AM » by Tom Riordan

their "third mind" idea reminds me of the lichens (Milner's boreal poem), fully composite organisms

Logged

Re: push
« Reply #27 on: May 17, 2010, 12:38:42 PM » by Doris Chance

Mmmm, think you might be right there. I'm still laughing.

Logged

Yes. I don't read poetry.

Re: push
« Reply #28 on: May 18, 2010, 07:16:07 PM » by Lavonne Westbrooks

Quote from: Tom Riordan on May 17, 2010, 09:52:21 AM

The replies are better poems than the orig. I am probably going to end up stringing them together! What would that be, a cento of some sort?

Perhaps a Found Cento? :)

Logged

Re: push
« Reply #29 on: May 18, 2010, 10:03:32 PM » by Tom Riordan

Quote from: Tom Riordan on May 09, 2010, 10:09:13 AM


push


   open
   the sky



jump



   into
   the dark
   



look


        a jury
      of tadpoles

Logged

Re: precarious thread
« Reply #30 on: May 19, 2010, 11:18:02 PM » by Tom Riordan

Quote from: Tom Riordan on May 09, 2010, 10:09:13 AM

jump, then look.it's asurpriseparty.h-a-appydeathday

by Cheryl Leverette
o my heavens. this is a bit overly surprising with the 'death' party

push open the doorjump into the dark thenlook it's a surprise partyof tadpoles

by Doris Chance
Clumsy Hans' princess can't even find a fully grown frog to kiss... Ish

push open the doorjump into the dark thenlook it's a jury of tadpoles

by Tiko Lewis
gives the tadpoles some purpose. frowns on blank faces

particularly labile effort

by Doris Chance
sinking feeling kindergarten on Monday morning finding the tadpoles dead

Logged

Re: precarious thread
« Reply #31 on: May 26, 2010, 02:13:08 PM » by Tom Riordan

Quote from: Tom Riordan on May 09, 2010, 10:09:13 AM

jump, then look.it's asurpriseparty.h-a-appydeathday

(cheryl) o my heavens this is a bit overly surprising with the 'death' party

push open the doorjump into the dark thenlook it's a surprise partyof tadpoles

(doris) the princess in Clumsy Hans can't even find a full grown frog to kiss

push open the doorjump into the dark thenlook it's a jury of tadpoles

(tiko) gives the tadpoles some reason for frowns on blank faces

pushopen jumptadpoles a particularly labile effort

(doris) a sinking feeling in the morning finding tadpoles dead

Logged

(Read 1860 times) 1 2 3 [All]

Jump to:

MemberTools

Home
Help
Calendar
Members List
Statistics
Login
Register

LatestNews

PoetryCircle joins IBPC.

SiteStats

191273 Posts
18131 Topics
1517 Members
Latest Member: David Gwilym Anthony

Support PoetryCircle