Heard the thumps
of something knocked.
 
I don’t own a cat.

How to move
with choirs of fear
purring
through my chest?

Quiet is a slippery knife. 
Breath, a bird
I can’t catch.

 

Lovely, closely observed and reported from the frontline, using original concrete images.

Very immediate, Lynn. Intimate, almost transcendent intimations of death in final lines. All strong stuff. Tom

I really like the three images:
 

choirs of fear
purring

Quiet is a slippery knife

Breath, a bird
I can’t catch.





I believe you have done it again, I won't be forgetting this poem
any time soon.

Sue, Tom, Scott -- thank you!  This comes from some notes I made about three months back.  Living south of the border, I'm almost never afraid --- but this one night, trying to fall asleep, I heard some thud noises and was sure the sound was inside the house.  I was too afraid to get up and look.  Next morning I made notes about that fear.  A week later I found where a sloppy stack of CD's and books had tipped and slid.  Mystery discovered! 

Anyway, I came across my notes today and made some changes.  I'd hoped 'choirs' might resonate as 'gothic' somehow, and 'purring' as 'stealthy' somehow.  The breath and bird line was in my original notes.  Also the bit about not owning a cat. 

p.s. I keep my stacks of CD's and books tidier now.  ;)

short is different for you Lynn.  you do it well.  love the catch of breath in the end.              cheryl

Lovely. The images harmonize without the being linear. Nice work.

larry

Is it too early to pick this? Seems not.

Lynn,

Quiet is a slippery knife. 
Breath, a bird
I can’t catch.

that's so fine, it made me touch myself.

love this.

tiko

Wonderfully caught, and expressed, Lynn.

milner

Guess it pays to make notes about fright!  Thanks, Sue!  You've made my day.

Thanks, Larry.  I'm glad you've found some harmony with the images.  I wanted the thing to have unity, but also a jittery edge.  The way fear makes us start, imagination jump from one heartbeat to the next.  

And just as I started to post this note, Milner and Tiko stopped by -- Thanks, thanks and thanks, you'z guy'z!

Congrats, Lynn! This reminds me of Plath. Tom

you created tension with so few words.
excellent pick and choice for Front Page

congratulations, Lynn!

Stella

Tom and Stella -- thank you!

And Sue, such an honor to find this featured.  Thank YOU!

Really stunning poem.

congrats, Lynn.

tiko

tiko, lavonne -- thanks.  so weird to find this here, and how it brings back that fright.   

Wow!

This is a good one Lady - glad to see it here- I hadn't run across it yet - Michelle

Great to see such a fine poem by such a fine writer up front.

milner

michelle, rick, milner -- thanks so much for your good thoughts. 

ld

Very fine.  I tend to like traditional rhythms a lot and would have written "cannot" in the last line, for the extra syllable.  I am not suggesting you do so, Lynn, just "sharing".

Larry's recent "Cat’s Corpse on Beechwood Road" www.poetrycircle.com/index.php/topic,17607 has a "cannot" near the end that, even without previous contractions (as here), has a pronounced flavor.

I think I prefer cannot to the contraction.  Haven't changed yet -- but am thinking seriously that I might.

Thanks Jonathan and thanks Tom.

If you change to cannot, will you not have to change to do not earlier in the poem?  Might that not be a bit too emphatic?

good point.  still thinking on it.  thanks, rick.

ld

I have to cast my vote for don't & can't

they keep the quick breathless nature of the piece- cannot in particular makes it seem sluggish to me which doesn't to justice to the theme -

lady, I am enjoying the reread each day! -xo M

Thanks Silent and Michelle.  I so greatly appreciate all these comments and the time you've taken (along with everyone else) to share reasoning and thoughts.  I do like the rhythm better with 'cannot' but also realize now the cause behind not making the change swiftly (as I often do).  You are all the many reasons why this circle of poets is so great!  Thanks! ;)

Gorgeous, love it, Lynn.

Thank YOU, jill!  Glad to see your face!

"Breath, a bird
I can’t catch."


is good to read you my friend,  love that, N

And more than good to find your words here!  Nora!!!!!  xo, my friend!

lynn