Somewhere between the gentle
way eggs hint wet feathers into
stumbling life and leaves unfold
to get chewed, I habitually use
the given drive I have to plow a
sure course home. Hungry salmon
also know the thirst and struggle
of moving counter to the normal
flow, and they must endure bear
claws on their backs all the way.
I have nothing to sustain my run
but the pure instinct of my breed.
Were you not made for the swim
up stream? I thought your marks
confirmed that stubborn heritage,
a victory earned by pitting itself
against life's harshest elements.
I saw that determination in you.



_____dw

Fine writing, D.! Love the opening lines, and the turn to "you" in the last 6 lines ultimately quite moving.

One edit thought (maybe off the point but...) --- It's not till the final word that I read that "you" properly (as I see it) as another person being addressed rather than the fish, or the N addressing self. So possibly a "To _____ " sort of title -- or just a line break after "breed" - would prevent that. If I read "you" as another person where it first appears 6 lines from the end, everything falls into place.

In any event, much enjoyed! Tom

Quality here, D.

milner

Yes, quality.  And speaking of pul-it-zer, this pulled at my healthy heart strings.

cheryl

I am developing an OCD tendency that will undermine my writing.....

Need to sub 'hungry' for 'stout'.....i

D. quite a read, exceptional. I vote for your 'sub'.

excellent. a pick.

good read.

good pick.

tiko

I love this piece and feel it may have escaped the attention it deserves. That's one reason I'm sending this to the front page, for it's my turn to pick this week.

One thing I love about your work, Desiree, is how discovery of the subject, the theme, the inspiration becomes part of the reader's adventure and enjoyment. Here we have, on the surface, a poem about "the sure course home," but it's fundamentally about an important component of relationships, or about a particular relationship in which one partner has perhaps miscalculated another's compatibility in intention, desire, fortitude, and probably much more. But clearly the success of a relationship is tied in part to two people's wanting to navigate that sure course home, back to each other, despite the obstacles that may arise.

"Were you not made for the swim / up stream?" is wonderfully direct and, given what has preceded it, pregnant with meaning. It also provides a lovely counterpoint, musically, to the rhythm of the poem up to that point.

While I'm at it, I'm going to take this opportunity to direct readers to Desiree's quite remarkable online journal here are PoetryCircle. Here, we get a glimpse of a poet honing her craft, and in the process we also have the opportunity to enjoy some fine writing:

http://www.poetrycircle.com/index.php/topic,2047.0.html

This is one I'd missed back in April.  A great front page pick and a wonderful read this a.m.
I found the relationship as one between parent and child, a teen or even a middle-aged adult counseled, or encouraged, by the veteran who has made the journey.  Brava, Desiree.  Very well done!

lynn

Congrats, Desiree! Tom

I like this quick flow also.  I'm readin upstream, hurrying up so I don't drown.  Well done.  May be a little touchy to comment on a front page work, but, the last line seems superfluous.  I would almost be tempted to cull the last three lines.  Again, just a passing comment.  Congrats and well done.

I personally don't see how the poem would be effective without the last three lines.

I see "Were you not made for the swim
up stream?" as the rhetorical and implied answer to the last three lines.
Keep in mind I LOVE paring and boiling stuff down.  To a fault.

Cheers - RLR

amazing write, desiree
great choice for Front Page


Stella

I think I see what you're saying, RLR:

"a victory earned by pitting itself/against life's harshest elements" is pretty much covered by "the thirst and struggle/of moving counter to the normal/flow, and they must endure bear/claws on their backs all the way,"

and

"I saw that determination in you" by "I thought your marks/confirmed that stubborn heritage"--which would end your suggested version on a slightly more disappointed note.

I enjoy the poem both ways. Tom

I would sorely miss D's end line; it brings the piece home for me.

"Were you not made to swim / up stream" is just the beginning of the essential turn that the speaker takes from discussing her own "pure instinct" to addressing that of the "you" in the poem. Without the last lines, the "were you not" question would seemingly spring out of nowhere and be completely devoid of sense, for it is the last lines that allow us to understand the reason for the question in the first place. No, I see the last lines as absolutely essential. What's nice about them, in fact, is how they imply that the speaker's earlier impressions of the "you" were mistaken without the speaker ever having to say so directly. "I saw that determination in you," in fact, implies that the "you" did/does not have the determination of which the speaker writes in the beginning. And we know that only because of the "Were you not made" question earlier.

2 schools. 2 ideas. Much respect. RLR

No problem. I'm not seeing this as about schools at all, however, but about how the poem is to be read. Maybe Desiree can weigh in on her intentions.

Glad to see this brought forward for recognition.  Fine writing.

great to read this again.
congrats on front page.

tiko

an excellent delivery through and through

cheers

james

The first part of this poem, to me, is magnificent.  The shift to an unidentified person (the reader?), however, confuses me.   The ending seems inconclusive, also. But I do like the first sentence exceedingly, it is so fresh and vivid and interesting and also sounds right. 

Excellent up to the last three lines, at which point it repeats what it's already said and the last line unfortunately is the dampest of squibs.

wonderfull writ and much enjoyed

james

Jay,

Thanks for the placement.  Years back I would diligently confirm or correct notions about my mind's
trek.  Now, I prefer to ponder other interpremades and savor the even betterness of distant thinks.

I have not posted because I quit smoking, consequently, it feels like my IQ has dropped 10 points.  I'm
not sure it was a measure I could spare.

Have enjoyed reading the new voices here this morning.....as well as the recognized.

Once again, I appreciate the attention.

Later,  D

Good luck with the smoking quit. It could be that, like the Scarecrow in Wizard of Oz, more thoughts rather than less are fogging your mind, Desiree! They say now that smoking can be added to the many beloved activities that dim intelligence http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2005-10/uomh-dsc101005.php. Tom

Dutch Smoking Ban Reversed For Small Bars, Cafes
| 11/ 3/10 12:08 PM | 

THE HAGUE, Netherlands — The new Dutch government has scrapped a smoking ban for small bars and cafes, reversing a public health measure introduced two years ago by the previous administration.

Health Minister Edith Schippers says the ban will be lifted on family-run bars and cafes smaller than 70 square meters (750 sq. feet), but won't change for places larger than that.

Schippers said Wednesday in a letter to parliament the move "gives consumers more choice".

Small cafe owners complained bitterly after the ban became official in July 2008, saying it sent their profits plummeting.

Schippers said the government will lift the ban immediately.

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