Somewhere between the gentle
way eggs hint wet feathers into
stumbling life and leaves unfold
to get chewed, I habitually use
the given drive I have to plow a
sure course home. Hungry salmon
also know the thirst and struggle
of moving counter to the normal
flow, and they must endure bear
claws on their backs all the way.
I have nothing to sustain my run
but the pure instinct of my breed.
Were you not made for the swim
up stream? I thought your marks
confirmed that stubborn heritage,
a victory earned by pitting itself
against life's harshest elements.
I saw that determination in you.



_____dw

Fine writing, D.! Love the opening lines, and the turn to "you" in the last 6 lines ultimately quite moving.

One edit thought (maybe off the point but...) --- It's not till the final word that I read that "you" properly (as I see it) as another person being addressed rather than the fish, or the N addressing self. So possibly a "To _____ " sort of title -- or just a line break after "breed" - would prevent that. If I read "you" as another person where it first appears 6 lines from the end, everything falls into place.

In any event, much enjoyed! Tom

Quality here, D.

milner

Yes, quality.  And speaking of pul-it-zer, this pulled at my healthy heart strings.

cheryl

I am developing an OCD tendency that will undermine my writing.....

Need to sub 'hungry' for 'stout'.....i

D. quite a read, exceptional. I vote for your 'sub'.

excellent. a pick.

good read.

good pick.

tiko

I love this piece and feel it may have escaped the attention it deserves. That's one reason I'm sending this to the front page, for it's my turn to pick this week.

One thing I love about your work, Desiree, is how discovery of the subject, the theme, the inspiration becomes part of the reader's adventure and enjoyment. Here we have, on the surface, a poem about "the sure course home," but it's fundamentally about an important component of relationships, or about a particular relationship in which one partner has perhaps miscalculated another's compatibility in intention, desire, fortitude, and probably much more. But clearly the success of a relationship is tied in part to two people's wanting to navigate that sure course home, back to each other, despite the obstacles that may arise.

"Were you not made for the swim / up stream?" is wonderfully direct and, given what has preceded it, pregnant with meaning. It also provides a lovely counterpoint, musically, to the rhythm of the poem up to that point.

While I'm at it, I'm going to take this opportunity to direct readers to Desiree's quite remarkable online journal here are PoetryCircle. Here, we get a glimpse of a poet honing her craft, and in the process we also have the opportunity to enjoy some fine writing:

http://www.poetrycircle.com/index.php/topic,2047.0.html

This is one I'd missed back in April.  A great front page pick and a wonderful read this a.m.
I found the relationship as one between parent and child, a teen or even a middle-aged adult counseled, or encouraged, by the veteran who has made the journey.  Brava, Desiree.  Very well done!

lynn

Congrats, Desiree! Tom

I like this quick flow also.  I'm readin upstream, hurrying up so I don't drown.  Well done.  May be a little touchy to comment on a front page work, but, the last line seems superfluous.  I would almost be tempted to cull the last three lines.  Again, just a passing comment.  Congrats and well done.

I personally don't see how the poem would be effective without the last three lines.

I see "Were you not made for the swim
up stream?" as the rhetorical and implied answer to the last three lines.
Keep in mind I LOVE paring and boiling stuff down.  To a fault.

Cheers - RLR

amazing write, desiree
great choice for Front Page


Stella

I think I see what you're saying, RLR:

"a victory earned by pitting itself/against life's harshest elements" is pretty much covered by "the thirst and struggle/of moving counter to the normal/flow, and they must endure bear/claws on their backs all the way,"

and

"I saw that determination in you" by "I thought your marks/confirmed that stubborn heritage"--which would end your suggested version on a slightly more disappointed note.

I enjoy the poem both ways. Tom