---

In redeeming moments, we
share plots of favorite novels.
My brother:
     "Imagine how heavy a gallon of milk is
     when you heft it with one hand.
     Imagine billions of those gallons,
     more than twice the volume of Niagara Falls
     over fifty feet high,
     more than white men had ever seen,
     propelling through the south."

My response:
     "Unbelievable and frightening...
     Why mention only white men?
     What about black men?"

We weren't raised prejudiced.

    "Because history paints it that way...
    if black workers didn't drown or get shot,
    they were filling and stacking sandbags,
    or held at gun point
    forced to work levees
    at seventy-five cents a day,
    left to die on levees,
    and eventually tried to escape on barges
    with white foremen in charge
    and time ticking backward:
          'Let's put all the niggers
          on a plank of wood
          and cut it loose!'     
          'No!  Keep 'em here! 
          We need cotton pickers!'
     from sunup to sunrise for a dollar.
     White men argued over black."

Levees break,
tributaries join the power
of a river seventy miles wide,
more than fifty feet deep,
gushing over land
killing and debasing.

---

If someone reads this, could you tell me or suggest how you think the conversation points should be handle.  Don't particularly like the way it is now.  Maybe it shouldn't even be noted as conversation.  Dunno.  But sure would like to know.

cheryl

Better now, Cheryl. I'd consider cutting out the 2 line penultimate stanza. Don't think we need to be 'told' there  - it can be deduced by what's gone before.

milner

Thanks milner.  I wondered if someone would tell me that and I'm kinda glad you did because it shortens the writing.

I removed the last two lines first, then realized you meant the other 'telling' two lines.  Is is ok?  Or should I add them.

I worked on this poem regarding historical fact, more than most of what I write.  Will do what I have to, to make it an easy read.  Maybe not a pretty one, but an easy one.

cheryl

This is a very interesting poem Cheryl, especially the historical aspect.  I was born in Birmingham Alabama in the early sixties in the midst of the 16th Street church bombing and as MLK Jr. sat writing his letter from a Birmingham jail.  I am going to mull this over a bit and reread it a couple of times. A first thought would be that it needs punctuation. I am very interested in writings about the south.  Good work here. Would you consider moving the first stanza up to break apart some of the quotes?

Thanks,
Sherry

That "debasing" at end unusual, a surprise, a good one, Cheryl. The last S strong altogether.
First line of S2 sounds like same voice as S1, but is supposed to be kids, right?
Brave, strong writing. Good reading. Tom

Sherry, I love your comments.  Please feel free to be clearer about punc and line breaks and anything else you have time to do, or advice to give.  I really want this poem to work for some reason.

cheryl

Tom thank you so much.  Your reply hits the spot.  I was concerned about the end.  And no, not kids.  but a conversation between me and my brother.  I'll make it clearer.

What do you think about line breaks and punc?

thanks again,
cheryl

Is brother speaking S6, Cheryl?
Who speaks S2? Tom

Tom thanks for your attention with this one.  It pays to keep a poem in workshop no matter how excited I am about it.  I spent time on the facts, but not the way it was written.

Is it clearer now?

cheryl

I like that new line, "White men argued over black."

Thanks Tom.  I changed the first two lines too.  Didn't sound good.  Hope it's clearer now.

cheryl

beginning's nice, and whole layout, cheryl. I was partial to original ending, with the floodwaters (poetically) doing the debasing. tom

I can change it back.  When I first wrote this, I went into that more--too much, and took it all out.  I've wondered since then what I did.  Maybe too much.

Well, I'm glad, anyway. I think it's a great ending this way.