a jaundiced
moon

like a mouldering
cheese

your breath
so
quiet

our pillow
soft

Love the sharing of a single pillow.

The closeness devine.

Like it all, Milner, including the unwritten final S,

a man
thinking

Tom

the thing i like about this is that i have struggling to write anything love related finding that all attempts end cliche or over done yet here you wrote a nice piece that is original, is not overcooked just a subtle moment with that use of "our" within the last S. enjoyed milner

Milner,

i've read this several times.  i too enjoy its simplicity, its approach to honest love or old love, love without pretension and the fact that love is not overworked into some behemoth that we can't recognize.

tiko

Bless you, Lavonne
and you, Tom.

Don't try em often, Casey, for the very reasons you mention. Just occasionally I smell a way to try one.

Thanks, Tiko, it's the only way I dare approach it -simply. John Yamrus does it to a T.

milner

Just raising a glass to whoever chose this as a pick. Obeisances

milner

:)

I loved the "our pillow soft" it was beautiful. thank you.

  :-* Lavonne

And thank you, Freddy.

milner

Lovely, Milner. A jaundiced moon like a mouldering cheese. Who says romance is dead?

Mind you - and I'm sure you've realised this already - unpunctuated poems can be read in many ways.

like a mouldering
cheese

your breath

There's an interesting slant on it!

Cheers

David

Yes, David, I became aware of that slant in the writing - held my course. That it is still 'lovely' says something, though I'm not sure what it is (a slow smile?). Many thanks

milner

Jaundiced and mouldering?  Am I missing something or aren't those two words a little moldy?

cheryl

Ah, but those word choices have another possible inclination - aging cheese? An aging, enduring love.    :)

Xo. Michelle

I see, I see, said the blind mouse.

Thanks,
cheryl

Your queries invaluable, Cheryl.

You hit the spot, Michelle. It's also that I wished to avoid here, the romantic 'silvery moon', to achieve both realism and contrast.

Thanks to both of you.

milner