This is not a game of
how far can you get
before you fall off the board,

though you play it that way.

I'd ask when are you going
to straighten up, but
you straighten up every so often
just enough.

You think you're not
going anywhere, but time
has its bony hands
on the rug, son,

and it's been pulling steadily
all along.

oh my.  i do like this, rick.  especially time with its bony hands on the rug.  this is exactly in line with a conversation i had this morning with a friend who was talking about his 40-year-old daughter.  the whole of this rings true, plus the rhythm to the lines seems wise [if that makes any sense], given the wisdom offered.

ld

Very moving.  Complete.  Tactful yet strong.  The bony hands of Time steadily pulling the rug is outstanding: fresh, down to earth, a bit scary.  Excellent work!  And I do mean "work" -- when a poem is as well written as this one seems to me, I assume it cost the writer some pains and was not in the least "just dashed off".  I'd be interested to know how long it took you to write it, by the way.  Not that one can't write an excellent poem quickly, especially if it is short.

Lovely and strong, Rick. Everyone obsessing about some "hopeless" youth, or generation of same, should have a good long read. Tom

Wisdom poetry, Rick. The rug image is funny and chilling at the same time.

In relation to Jonathan's point, I wouldn't be surprised if this sprang to life almost entire.

Cheers

David

yes. that says it well.


Stella

Ditto the above - enjoyed. Stand out line is time/hands/rug - excellent.

Vaguely recall being told a similar thing myself and can hear myself saying it to my teenage kids....history repeating, eh?
Marc

Jonathan,

I don't really know when I wrote the first draft.  Sometime last week, maybe.  I don't know how long I worked on it.  Probably half an hour.  With me, the quality of a poem is almost inversely proportional to the amount of time I have to second guess the poem and mess it up.  Sometimes I do put first drafts up in submit (don't tell!), but I never dash a poem off.  There's no dashing.  There's a lot of stillness. 

Lynn, Tom, David, Stella, Silent, Marc,

THANKS!

You're an audience I'm honored to please.

"I never dash a poem off.  There's no dashing.  There's a lot of stillness."

That in itself is an excellent quote.  What an excellent quote!  I used the word "crap" in a poem (crap hit the fan) and in workshop Dorianne Laux told me to just use the word shit (which was difficult to do considering my southern upbringing) but there ARE times to just say it as it is--

which brings me back around to your excellent title.

Wow! and made me look. Chilling, in your face poetry, which I like very much--especially the sucker punch at the end-- knocked me out.

Good stuff.
Sherry

Thanks Sherry!

You used up a lot of talent on this excellent read, Rick. No, wait, talent grows with use. Thank you for images.

I voice my opinion, Rick, by means of getting my grubby hands on this as a pick.

milner