Thank you very much, Cheryl. I must admit, I'm not sure I "understand" enjambment either. The trick is, I think, not to be afraid of it. (In fact, you should embrace it - we can't have a whole poem of end-stopped lines.)

The enjambment here, such as it is, is probably a result of sticking to roughly five beats a line. Probably!

Cheers

David

Haven't seen this one before, David.  I like it very much, particularly the last couple of lines.  I'm curious as to why you decided to line break l1 on at a?

Ros

well a very well deserving front page pluck here.  david a fantastic write, such intelligent clumsiness with your language that matches the subject so well!  very fond of "just another quid mate. please mate. please!" lawrence

;) -- a pleasure to find this here and read again.

ld

I like the diction, and the rhythm, but, in my humble opinion, this sounds a bit like the opening paragraph to a book, than a poem. Don't get me wrong, it would be an excellent paragraph to expound upon on--but I don't think it leaves a sense of wonderment on the part of the reader...it doesn't make any grand metaphoric statements about life or the human condition. Any great writer can write something that LOOKS good, but does it FEEL good, too?

I most always have a philosophical, metaphorical itch to scratch, and perhaps I should have prefaced my statement with that. I'd love to see you use your writing talents to lift the subject to the imagination...I am not claiming to be a master at this myself, but I think for any poet it is a loft-worthy goal. :) Cheers, hope I didn't ruffle and feathers.

Joe