Just after the Yorkshire earthquake in March 2008 this Spoof email arrived from friends in Keighley...it should not be taken seriously. I'm posting it as there is a poem on the boards at the moment about it.
http://www.poetrycircle.com/index.php/topic,15626.msg107245.html#msg107245 Help Keighley Earthquake Disaster Fund
An Appeal For Your Help
A major earthquake measuring 5.3 on the Richter scale,
hit in the early hours of Wednesday morning at 12: 56am. Epicentre:Keighley, England.
News of the disaster was swiftly distributed to all betting offices by the town's 35000 racing pigeons, as victims were seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "What the chuff wer that?" and "Na then, wots guin on?".
The earthquake decimated large inhabited areas of; Highfield Keighley
in causing £30 worth of damage. Several priceless collections of Franklin Mint and mementos from both Tenerife and the Spanish Costa's were damaged beyond repair. Three areas of historical burnt out cars were
disturbed in nearby Braithwaite. Sounds levels reached
an almost unbearable peak during the quake when an
estimated 14,000 Staffordshire Bull Terriers began barking in synchrony.
Many locals were woken well before their Giro arrived. Radio Leeds reported that hundreds of residents were
confused and bewildered, still trying to come to terms with the fact that something interesting had happened in Keighley One resident, 15 year old mother of three,
Tracey Sharon Braithwaite, said, "It was such a shock my little Chardonnay Madonna came running into my bedroom crying. The twins, Tyler-Morgan and Megan-Stormslept through it all. I was still shaking when I was watching Jeremy Kyle the next morning". Locals were determined not to be bowed as looting, muggings and car crime carried on as normal.
So far whilst the British Red Cross has managed to ship 4000 crates of Sunny Delight to the areas to relieve the
suffering of stricken locals, rescue workers searching through the rubble have found large quantities of personal belongings including child benefit books, CSA
claim forms and jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at Argos,
plus bone china from poundstretcher.
Can you help?Please respond generously to our appeal for food and clothing for the victims of this disaster.
Clothing is needed most of all - especially
* Burberry or Fila baseball caps
* Kappa tracksuit tops (his or hers)
* Shell suits (female)
* White sports socks
* any product sold at Primark
* new dog leads suitable for Staffordshire Bull
Terriers
Culturally sensitive food parcels are harder to put together, but your efforts will make a difference. Microwave meals, tinned beans, Netto ice cream and
cans of Colt 45 or Special Brew are ideal. Please do not give
anything that needs peeling.
Remember
* 22p buys a biro for filling in compensation claims
* £2 buys chips, crisps and a blue fizzy alco pop
drink
for a family of 9
* £5 will pay for a packet of B & H and a lighter to
calm a child's nerves.
Urgently required: Tinned whippet food. Bones for Jack Russells.
Please do not send tents for shelter. The sight of such posh housing will cause discontent in the surrounding
communities of Woodhouse Guardhouse
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