Harbour

I fantasized we met
near the sea by inn-light
when October was old and
hinged by a device of the moon
or rudeness in your beauty from
such movements to a shanty of buckles
that let a kindness in your fingers
soap me in a shallow bath.

Oh, I'm there, Peter! Fine poem, I think, rich, vivid and mysterious at once. Tom

tres bien!

Stella

Thank you ever so much Tom,
you too Silent Lotus,
merci Stella

Very fine Peter.  Love the veiled quality...

k

Beautifully atmospheric, Peter. Is it just me, though, or does your syntax go awry at L4 - 5?

Still, I do like it, especially "hinged by a device of the moon".

Cheers

David

Thanks muchly Kevin & David

It's just you, David.  {:-)~  No, only kidding.  I can't see the awriness at the moment but I'll look again

Cor! A fantastic read. More, please!

Pam

Thank you, Pam.  Been a while since I read this.  Quite enjoyed it myself :-)

David, on re-reading, I see what u mean now about that syntax.  Removed comma at line 4 - that might do trick

How gorgeous, Peter. I often bypass the resurrected poems but very glad I took another look here! Tom

i'm digging it; no nits from me.

tiko

Tom and Tiko - thank you, guys

I'm with you up until moon then you lose me at "or" - why "or"?  I have a feeling that I'm being dense but I can't figure out what the or refers back to - unfortunately it throws me out of the read again and again - if I could just hinge the word to connect the two pieces I would love it - M

I know exactly what you mean, Michelle.  It's confusing me too! lol  I think it works if the or and what follows is referred back to October, but then again...  :-)

Cheers, my dear

More than interesting, Peter, but very interesting.   Rudeness in your beauty a fine contrast.

Thank you, Cheryl

Grammatically, I think the full sentence only reads if the "or" picks up at "fantasized": as in "I fantasized rudeness..." More to the point, the whole construction is a bit disorienting or hallucinogenic due to its grammatical structure, so the question is: does that work? I think it does. Tom

Yes, I think that works, Tom.  I can only say 'think' because having read the poem quite a few times in last couple of days, it's beginning to go in one side of my grey melon and then get lost somewhere lol.  So I shall leave it for a while and read afresh

Cheers

Phew, I'm glad you said that. I just reread the poem and wondered what on earth I was on about. There might still be a little awkwardness there - I think that must be what Michelle is referring to - but the whole thing reads as a tender swaggering tale of love's piracy. I love "a shanty of buckles".

David

Peter,
I had not yet discovered this site when this was first posted. Much enjoyed.
Glad it came forward.
JC

David and JC, thanks guys, much appreciated

Purely lovely.

Thank you, Doris.  Glad you enjoyed it

think we need this in Picks

Agradecimentos muito, Tom