Larry,



I'm trying to figure out why those last two lines hit me in the gut every time....they hit me new like the first time each time....
that in itself is enough for me to place it here....

Thanks, Michelle

Thanks Milner, Kevin, Stella, Michelle, Silent and Lavonne for the pick. Milner, I like gape-billed. Been thinking about bare-assed but...Michelle, you make some intersting points and I'll leave it for now. It ususally takes weeks for the poem to talk back to me.

larry

Versions

In one arrangement, she is wreathed
in dandelion and teeth
and sings from the choir’s gallery.
We listen, glancing
at each other’s history.

She is wry and keeps the buttons
to her blouse tightly fastened.
Later, if you should happen by
there’ll be dancing
and gin with tomato pie.

A swallow, perched on the eaves,
sings bold faced to the sun.

On the other side of the table
under a harsh bare bulb,
sweat scrolls down her cheek.
She isn’t sure anymore
what she said to the bird.

I like this but it doesn't seem finished somehow. Several points....Stanza one sets us up..stanza two has her keep the buttons on her blouse tightly fastened in a wry way....how do you do that wryly...do you mean coyly? Then the swallow sings..bold faced or 'bold face to the sun?' So it's daylight. Yet she sits sweating under a harsh bare bulb...and then the lovely coda. I just feel that the BIG statements ...we listen, glancing at each others history...has to tie into the last two lines because they are the most resonant and mysterious and they leave me out....perhaps it's just me and I'm not bright enough to pick it up!  Best wishes William