Leeds 6

There are no children in this street,
No sticks start conkers from the trees,
No nappies conga in the breeze,
No breeze; only a restless heat
Busy with flies round bursting bins,
Where some old pensioner with rotted lungs
Wheezes and shuffles, muttering among
Crushed cartons, half-gnawed pizzas, bottles, tins,
Stale newspapers, insanitary things…

A door bangs, and another perfect blonde
In footless tights and dinky little top
Lugs out a reeking mattress, props it up
Against the portico; and glances round
A final moment at the mess of terms
She’s leaving: dingy pillows bagged
Like corpses in black plastic, duvet dragged
Onto the grass to pullulate and squirm.
Outside the gate, a broken toilet rears
Heraldic, and a slither of CDs
Puddles the pavement underneath the trees;
Dead shoes, crunched clothes, a bike with broken gears.

A horn pips from the shiny little car
(“Prezzie from Pops for passing my exams!”).
She skips to join the giggling girlies crammed
Inside – and they’re away to Cheltenham Spa,
Or Penge or Sevenoaks or Potter’s Bar…

Only the old, the dispossessed, the mad,
Poets, and the incorrigibly poor,
Who live up steps in flats with metal doors,
Creep out now to reclaim what space they had
For a few blazing weeks this time last year.
But now come landlords in their four by fours,
Painters and pointers, gardeners with chainsaws,
And next term’s punters with their mums and dads,
Looking about for trendy Georgian pads.
We pass among them, faceless and ignored.

We've all next autumn to look forward to,
And the unresting thud of drum and bass.
This is a place youth passes through
On its way to somewhere else.

August 2009

brilliant writing, Pam
very impressive

Stella

Lovely Pam.  I want to pick this when it's been viewed a bit more...only nit is the old pensioner...could he be just a pensioner?

Comes over very strong, and vivid, Pam. If Sue hadn't said she'd pick it, I would have done so.

Cheers

milner

Pam, enjoy this very much! My favorite little nugget: ", a broken toilet rears/
Heraldic". Think you could cut last line and end at "passes through." --Tom

Pam, I read this through amazed at the sounds and the images and the whole of the piece and moved it at once to picks.  Now I see I've made a blunder, have taken the honor of sending this up that Sue intended.  Am hopeful she'll forgive me.

Terrific write.

lynn

Stella - thank you so much!

Pam

Hello, Sue

You're right - it's a tautology. I need a one syllable word for the scansion, and will put my mind to it.

Love Pam

Cor, Milner! Thank you!

Pam

We've all next autumn to look forward to
And the unresting thud of drum and bass.
This is a place youth passes through.

I see what you mean. It gives it a very sombre feel and not so tidily sewn up. Also closer to the main rhyme scheme. What does anybody else, think?

Thanks very much, Tom.

Pam

Thank you so much, Lynn. I do feel deeply about the place as it's simply wrecked by the passers through, pretty and lively as they are. Mind you, I was a student once myself, and probably did as much damage.

Pam

Pam, almost missed this!  What a pleasure to read.  Looking forward to more (but no pressure, please, lol).

cheryl

Thank you, thank you, Cherylanne!

P x

Dios mio! What writing! What poetry! I have to say that this is incredible writing. I so much enjoyed reading this Pam. BEautiful writing with hard hitting pause. wow! I know you are proud of this one for sure.  ;D - jmg

You're a gentleman and a scholar, Jose!  Thank you!

Pam

I like the last line.  If I'd never read it, would I be content with ending at passes through?  No, I don't think  so.  It feels lopped off, like the power got cut and whatever the last song lyric was, wasn't

ld

I do so love the clutter in this poem.  Reading again today I hesitated at some modifiers, an occasional 'the' or other word or punctuation I might think about changing if mine -- but then I'd read again, aloud, and want the 'the' or whatever small word there, just as it appears, to slow me through these images, these amazing sounds and sensory devices. 

The other thing, and this may only be me, but this poem moves me from just the place and time written about to another level of place and time; what I mean is, I find myself thinking about the 'whole' of a life, not just the one place passed through, but the whole of life passed through and the changing of generations. 

My honor to put this one up front, Pam.

Best thoughts, lynn

Great pick, Lynn.

Pam, did you ever get down to the Flux Gallery events, in Midland Road, Hyde Park? It made me think you might have when you mentioned, in another thread, a friend who gave the reasoning on capped lines. Tony (TF) Griffin lives opposite, and he made just that point in a recent interview I have on cd.

Congratulations

milner

Well picked Lynn.  congratulations Pam.

Congrats, Pam! Good to read this again. Tom

Terrific rhyming...but a messy end...cut the  last verse...and the 'shiny car' stanza and dovetail what's left to make the very serious point about how our lives (this is how I see your work) need space to evolve...but spaces come in different sizes and some spaces are infertile and impossible to encourage growth. )

Pam;
i tip my hat to you.
john

A glorious poem Pam, Lowry painting with chipped paint, lippy and heart.  I love its intricacy...every image, detail, line interwoven.

Great front page pick Lynne!

k

Hello, Milner

It's indeed Tony I was thinking of. I have heard the recording and yours too! A great archive.

Many thanks, Lynn. There are still odd words that jar with me. Not sure it shouldn't be "then glances round" and still need to lose that first "old". Who knows? I may look at it in a week or two and it'll be obvious what to do. I like your point about widening the theme. Certainly, looking at the students makes me a little envious and a little more tolerant of my younger self....

Pam

Hello, William. Is this where you want it to finish?

Dead shoes, crunched clothes, a bike with broken gears..

And then something to follow.

I'll have a think about it!

Pam

Hi Sue. Thanks, me dear!

Pam

Thanks, John

Am looking forward to dipping into your work!

Pam

Thanks, Kevin

It's nice to get back into things. Haven't come up with much new lately, so have had a summer catchup.

Pam

Bless you, Tom. Thanks.

Pam

Hello Pam, sorry if I sounded a bit abrupt. The 'shiny car' stanza and the final stanza I felt hindered the delivery of the end...the folorness of the end,
'the dead end' sadness of how we treat others...the spaces we invade and the spaces (emotional and psychological) we deny to others. So if you ended on 'we pass amongst them faceless and ignored' it seems to me that that facelesness and how we ignore it is the perfect stoppoing point. To go on either repeats something you've already said or branches off into another (although of course linked) subject. But I liked it very much.
best wishes William Bibby

Hello, William

What d'you think of:

Dead shoes, crunched clothes, a bike with broken gears..

Only the old, the dispossessed, the mad,
Poets and the incorrigibly poor
Creep out now to reclaim what space they had
For a few blazing weeks this time last year.
But now come landlords in their four by fours,
Painters and pointers, gardeners with chain saws,
And next year's punters with their mums and dads,
Looking about for trendy Georgian pads -
We pass among them, faceless and ignored.

MMmm gives a different slant all right. You weren't at all abrupt, by the way. All suggestions gratefully received!

Pam

Pam, It is just me, nothing is final....but this seems to me to hit hardest..it's also slightly difficult to grasp and I like that also because it allows the ATMOSPHERE to emerge more strongly.  Best  William