It deepens like a coastal shelf

--Philip Larkin

The awkward salesman hoiks his pack
with an elephant-doing-ballet grace,
just hitting the tense muscle of his back,
and the stick gently cueing his face.
What weight to carry!: an armful
of ‘The Sahara Snowglobes’, two guides
to lizards (he can recite the small
bit on the gecko’s dismountable hide),

thirteen lucky charms, a songbook,
rusty fisherman’s hooks, all things priceless.
He has a pocketful of money; and, thick,
a free convention diary full of addresses.
And what calloused fingers! The hand
that rocked the cradle (pub. 1865)
has swept across the departmented land
and made the money-tree come alive.

Well: when the reaper comes for his second look,
wearing make-up and an ill-fitting dress–
at least then, when the deal’s done,
the salesman’s two fine, fine children,
ever obedient in their obsequiousness can,
in that funeral home, at least then,
make the right choice: a perfect tomb,
with value-for-money and adequate room.

As always James, perfect imo.  No advice from me.  And this one has a sure sting to it.

Will reconcile a couple or three things I'm not real clear about and I'll be back.  Just wanted you to know someone's checkin' out your goods.

cheryl

James,

I might drop "some" in the title.

That's about it - this was an excellent read - great character....

will definately be coming back to read again. - Michelle

James, certainly do know what you're talking about now, but I won't blurt it all out like I usually do and ruin it for everyone else.

You've done an excellent and amusing job with irony in this piece, as well as your references to poetry, shady business, and the goings-on of families.

Superb job with this one, James.

Oh, wondering if you need obedient and obsequiousness in the same line.  Also you've coined a new word?  Departmented?  Well, alrighty then.

cheryl

Much appreciated, Michelle.

Cherylanne, thank you for your enthusiastic response. You see the poem exactly as I intended. Departmented is indeed a new coinage. I think I'll stick with that line; it kind of reminds me of sales patter.

Cheers,

James

Excellent, James, I'll pick this with glee.

milner

grazi, milner. Glad to glive glee.

james

Wonderful ride James.  The final couplet can only be described as a triumph!

k

James, Are you going for any particular meter in this? Maggie

No, not really. The rhythms are quite deliberate, but I'm aware that it's a curious mix of iambs, anapaests and dactyls. I was hoping that it would make sense, given the content, but perhaps it is a bit too jarring on the ear.

thanks,

james

It is a bit jarring.

James,  did you write this?

erm, yes. Why?

OK, I suppose now I can talk?  lol   Well I will anyway.  I particularly liked your references to the Philip Larkin quote and 'hand that rocks the cradle'.  I wasn't aware of the poem 'this be the poem or verse' and was glad to find it and had forgotten about the older 'cradle' poem.  It's interesting to look back.  The amusing irony, such as '13 lucky charms' I didn't catch until the second read which made it that much more fun, and you are quite good at it in this poem.

Actually you've a bit of two themes going here--well maybe just one in the end.  Everything we do we pass on to our children, the subject of your poem passing down his economic issues to his obedient children, and only at his death were they finally able to do something right

Oh, and loved the reference to a free convention diary full of addresses and thick money with calloused fingers--just too funny, too clever.

Very good job, James.  Love this one.  A worthy pick for sure.

cheryl

Wonderful piece. The meter is perfect, an elegiac quality. The image is very rich. Excelent.

larry