For all their eternity gods
never do anything slowly.
Did Zeus ever use a saw,
Thor put hammer to nail,
Yahweh evaporate a sea,
Christ bait just one hook,
Isis fashion Osiris a penis
by skin grafts--no magic?

For all your mortality you
never do anything quickly.
Yes-or-no answers dangle
from complex sentences;
repairing your pantyhose
takes most of an evening;
then you surprise me with
the slowest, slowest kiss.

Interesting premise you've presented here, Tom. Quite entertaining, but I think the second stanza could be stronger.

Mark

Tom--Really like the first stanza and the block like look to this one. I agree with Marc that s2 could be stronger. Particularly not a fan of L5. I really like the first four lines but the flow is interrupted by L5.

Thanks, guyz. Changed L5, Stewart, for flow. Will keep at it. Tom

...moving to submit...

I think you have a strong poem going on but with a bit of weakness in the second stanza. A feel of "telling" instead of "showing". Not a big fan on all the question marks. Just wondering if it could be worded in a way to do away with some of them? Enjoyed what you have to say in the poem very much.
Have a good one,
Mark

Thanks, Mark. I took all the qm's out but the last, I wish everything was so easy. Took the wrench to S2 again. Will get it right.  --Tom

Been lookin in on this one now and then Tom.  I like this revision.

Looking good Tom. Much better.
Mark

Glad, Cheryl & Mark. Still tinkering, "sweet" to "slow." -Tom

yeah slow fits the context well.  can lips be slow?  or just kisses?  you could say 'and slowly you (or your lips) apply kiss after kiss...' -- but I'm not really sure that sounds like you.

Tom, just found this gem.

Absolutely love S1, so tautly constructed.  And that's the challenge you've set yourself with S2.  Can see it's been revised and well revised but to my eye it just doesn't punch at the same weight.  "Yes or no answers - sentences".... just feels so abstract after the wonderful physicality in S1.  The pantyhose line works but then is let down (no pun intended!) by the last couplet.

Oops, sorry, didn't mean to throw cold water!

k 

Nice work.  Feel that line two of second stanza should contain "never" instead of "don't" to strengthen the parallel structure of the two ideas.

Thanks for the read.

d

Cheryl and Kevin, thanks for the encouragement and prodding. Rewrote last couplet again.

Desiree, thank you. Done. Tom

Yeah this is cool, Tom, and I like 'surprise' added in.

Just lovely.

cheryl